Lost and insecureee~

I've been way too happy lately! Time for a rather emo post~
... after telling you what I did today, huhuh.

So I helped out my bro in his eagle project in the canyon. It was hard work, but it was ok. Finished it all today, so I'm pretty free tomorrow! Yay!! I'm excited, haha. Not really, I finished my APAH card, but haven't studied them. And I'm on my 1st body paragraph. Blaaaaaaah. D:

So yeah depressing shit.

I dunno, I guess I'm just worried about college. Not getting in or anything. But... adjusting. I've rarely had to go and make entire new group of friends. What am I going to do when I go to college and meet people I don't know, and even... make friends?? The truth is too hard to bear. I'm scared I'm going to be so unbearably lonely.

I'm not a terribly social person. So what am... what am I going to do? I don't know, what do I do, what do I do...

... Looking back I shouldn't have done anything. I should of shut myself off before I could screw that shit up. I should of told myself to wait. Maybe you'll feel something more, a hopeful voice would say. Maybe you'll learn to do so.

And then I wake up.

I did what I did because I hate lying to the people I care about on how I feel. I don't care how many people I hurt. If I know something's wrong, then I'm going to voice what I think. If I don't want to talk about it, I won't. But when I say my feelings, I mean everything that I say.

I won't say "I love you" if I don't mean it. Some people will. To make people happy. I think I want to kill them for ridding the value of such a wonderful word. I'm tired of people who just give up for other people's happiness. That's how I got into that situation. Because I wanted to make someone HAPPY. And then I realized making them "happy" wasn't going to make me happy. So I got off that cloud rather quickly. I did what I did.

I'm sorry I'm so selfish. I'm sorry that I know when lying to others just makes them more unhappy. That I won't just sit by and think "Oh things will change."

Things don't change unless you make them so.

HAHAHAHAHA, I started on one rant and moved to another. INCONSISTENTTTTT. xD