SO SAY WHAT YOU WANT!

Last day of break. Wunderfullll e_____e;;.

I... don't know what to talk about. I'm tired and sore (I fell asleep for two hours! D:). I need another vacation. And I really need to tell some people some things I'll never tell them. Oh well.

It's like... I don't know what I want anymore. It's... really hard to explain, you know? I wish I could leave my memories lie, but some come bubbling up. But I don't want to talk about it, and I don't want to write about it. What do I do then...?

Seriously, I just need someone to rant at for a long long time. And I might not even take it if they offer it. I might just start rambling at someone one day. It's like this; I can only really ramble out my feelings to some people. Don't know why. >:.

There's one thing I REALLY need to talk about with someone. But... who I wonder.

I give thanks...

Today is a day to give thanks. So here is my list of things I am thankful are in my life.

I am thankful for...

1. Family.
Sometimes, I'll admit, I'm not thankful for you guys. But other times I am. I'm thankful my family understands that I don't have to be normal, and understands my interests. My dad for being really smart and teaching me things that will help me in the future and answering any question I have; whether it be about Star Trek or JFK's presidency. My mother for being the one who drives me to swimming and always supports me in it, no matter how much time it consumes. And my brother; no matter how annoying he is, there's always someone to talk to or just hang out with when we're both stuck at home.

2. CORN
Sure. The name died out a long time ago. But Dobby Tsui, Nicole, Ai, Jessica Moya, Risu, Sora, Neko, Jen, Tori, Saru, Ronnie, Natalie, Tsuki, Katie, Erika, Sam... I love all of you guys for having dealt with me for so long and for listening and being there. And also for giving me the strengh to laugh when I should cry. I'm truly lucky to have such great friends, and I love you all very much.

3. My Older Brothers.
Mostly, it's Yang I'm talking about, but even Ben Y and Reggie; I am thankful for them. Thanks for being there when no one else was and when I was falling apart at the seams. You helped me be strong enough to stand on my own. Thanks you for listening when I could turn to no one else. And thank you for just existing. The world would be a much darker place without you. I love you all so much.

4. Dobby Tsui
I know I already mentioned her, but I need to give so much thanks for her again. Thank you for always being there (since 3rd grade. Wow, how have we DEALT with each other that long?! xD), thanks for always listening, thanks for always being there to talk to, and thank you for existing. You a wonderful, kind, person that makes the world better every day. I love you, and don't you ever forget that.

5. My guy friends / Ramen Shop
Oh you guys. Chicago, Jason, Fujii, Boots, Ryan, ASP, Ben J, Ben Y, Yang... You guys make me laugh, and you guys are great friends and people. Without you all, my high school years would be so much more dreary and lame. You guys are the greatest, and I will miss you when you graduate. Except for Boots. Yeah. I'm stuck with you for another year. Should I be grateful? xD

6. Dan's Swim group + Dan.
I don't talk to you all that much, but thank you for graciously accepting me into your group, even though I may not be that fast. You all make me laugh, whether you mean to or not, and you give me something to look forward to everyday I have swim practice. And Dan, you are a great coach, and you deserve much thanks for how much time you give up just to make us great.

7. Ben & Tony.
You guys are new additions into my life, and very surprising addition at that. Thank you Ben for choosing Risu out of all the girls in the world, and thank you for being a great guy that actually might deserve her. You're both great friends and I look forward to spending more time with you guys.

8. The Librarians
Thank you for reteaching me to love reading again and again, and for introducing me to the start of my obsession with it; Twilight. You guys always make me laugh and you always have a big smile when I need it.

9. My teachers
Thank you all for teaching me to love learning and how to go above and beyond. This especially goes out to Ms. Tanaka, Mr. Scruggs and Mr. Subbiah. You are all great teachers who deserve much more than you think.

Now here's a list of things I give thanks to which I care not explain;

I give thanks to...
the rain
Hong Kong
Switzerland
Long grass
Music
San Diego Comic Con
Books
Sudoku
Comics
Swimming
Jason Lezak (F0r his inspiring last 100 @ the olympics!)
Michael Phelps
Anyone who works in the movie / tv industry
Sunny days

There is so much to give thanks for. And I thank whatever brought them my way from the bottom of my heart. Thank you all for making my life wonderful. I'll never forget any of you, and I love you all too much.

Happy day of giving thanks everyone!

Change

I've been thinking. (Uh no, that's not a good thing)

Well before I get to the serious stuff; Go watch the series Bones. It's witty, poignant, and laugh out loud funny. The characters are charming and lovable, the stories are unique and emotion envoking. It's a great show that's smart enough to make you cry and laugh in the same episode.

Zack is the greatest. He's adorable & I love him D: <3.

Anyways.

I feel like the people all around are changing, the very world is changing, but I'm still the same. After all I've been through, I still feel like the same girl who performed on the field during sophomore year. People are falling in love and changing, and sometimes I don't think it's for the better. But I'm still here. People are leaving and becoming different people.

Yet, people pretty much stay the same. They are far too easy to read, and even though they change, humanity hasn't changed.

Like me. Little ol me, a spot in an endless sea of sky. And I wonder why people have to change drastically? For what? Do they mean to, or are they even aware how much they change?

Maybe there's something wrong with me instead. Maybe I'm supposed to be changing, but I'm not. Is that bad? I don't know. I'm not sure.

Hm. Oh well. If people change, I won't change with them if I don't feel like it. I don't like being directed against my will. I will change for myself if I want to.

If I want to...
... What do I want anyways?

I CAUGHT MAHSELF.

Went to the zoo and stuff on Sunday. Not really anything I want to talk about. (because I want to go and watch Bones. XD)

So just a survey~
1 THE BASICS
2 Name
Hoshi

3 Gender
FEmale.

4 Age
Teenager. :P

5 Screen Name
Hoshiiakaruii.

6 Birthday
September 4th.

7 Race
Chinese & White

8 School/Grade
High Schooler.

9 Job
Ninja of lightning.

10 Status
Singular :O (Raising the bar ;D)

11 Home town
La Palma

12 Current Town
A city in California.

13 Parents Still Together
Yep.

14 Siblings
In reality, I have a little brother.But in my “OTHER” family, I have 3 older brothers, 4 sisters and one younger brother (actually I’m not sure if he’s my brother or not. It was never clarified.)

15 Pets
None.

16 Smoker
Hell no.


17 Drink er
Hell no. Alcohol tastes nasteh.

18 Virgin
Yes. (God, do these surveys assume all teenagers are sluts or something? -__-; )

19 Orientation
Straight.

20 Drugs
Hell no.

21 APPEARANCE
22 Hair Color
Brown.

23 Is it Dyed?
Au natural ;D

24 Eye color
Brown

25 Height
5'5”

26 Style
What is this style you speak of? I just wear what I feel like. xD

27 Glasses/Contacts/None?
I wear Contacts most of the time, and glasses when I’m too lazy to put them on. XD

28 Freckles
Some.

29 Body Type
Somewhat thin? I don’t really know…. e_e;

30 Shoe Size 8?

31 Piercings
None. :P

32 Want More?
Maybe I should get my ears pierced… :<

33 Tatoos?
no.

34 Want More?
Nah. when you get old, they stretch and look nasty. XD

35 Braces?
NOT ANYMORE >D

36 Overall Best Feature?
I wouldn’t know.

37 Overall Worst Feature?
I wouldn’t know.

38 Do you get most of your trait s from mom or dad?
I think my dad. :P

39 LIKES /DISLIKES
40 Favorite Color
Silver.

41 Worst Color
Pink.

42 Favorite Number
2.

43 Favorite Animal
At the moment it’s the red panda, but it changes often. XD

44 Least Favorite Animal
Spiders. D:

45 Favorite Flower
Iris.

46 Favorite Food
I have too many. Depends on my mood.

47 Worst Food
There’s a long list of these too. XD

48 Favorite Junk Food
CHOCOLATE. ALWAYS.

49 Worst Junk Food
Candy that’s far too sweet for it’s own good.

50 Favorite Restaurant
Hm. Probably that one ramen shop at the Hong Kong airport. :P

51 Favorite Ice Cream Flavor
Chocolate <3

52 Favorite Candy
Too many. God, I’m such a fattie. XD

53 Favorite Alcoholic Drink
None. They’re all nasteh. :P

54 Favorite NON Alcoholic Drink
Er. Either Cream Soda or Izze, Blackberry flavored.

55 Worst Alcoholic Drink
EVERY SINGLE ONE. :D

56 Worst NON Alcoholic Drink
Hm. Warm Milk is nasty.

57 Favor ite Genre of Music
Probably Alternative and rock. <3

58 Worst Genre
Hip hop and Rap. Those are ugly genres. D<

59 Favorite Band/Artist
Paramore.

60 Worst Band/Artist
I don’t know… e___e;

61 Favorite Song
I never have a favorite song, but these are the songs I really like right now;
Sweet and Low; Augustana
Pretty Girl; Sugarcult
Already Gone; Sugarland
I Caught Myself; Paramore
BIRDLAND; THE BEST JAZZ SONG EVER.

62 Worst Song
Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne. Because it gets stuck in your head SOOOO EASILYYY

63 Favorite Radio Station
I don’t have one. No radio fo me.

64 Favorite Book
Probably The Host.

65 Worst Book
Of Mice and Men. DARN YOU JOHN STEINBECK AND YOUR ABILITY TO RUIN AN OTHERWISE GOOD BOOK WITH YOUR STUPID ANALYZING.

66 Favorite Type of Movie
Animated movies :D

67 Worst Type of Movie
Scary movies. ;_;

68 Favorite Movie
Anastasia. That Movie gets me every time ;_;

69 Worst Movie Ever
Lady in the water. Seriously, worst waste of my time ever.

70 Favorite TV Show
Bones & The Daily Show.

71 Worst TV Show
The Hills should never have come into being. :D

72 Favorite Season of the Year
Summer.

73 Worst Season
None.

74 Best Friend
Dobby Tsui. <3

75 Worst Enemy
Nyeh. Don’t have one.

76 Favorite Day of the Week
Sunday and Wednesday.

77 Least Favorite Day of the Week
Thrusday is pretty bad.

78 Favorite Sport
To do: swimming To watch: American Football.

79 Sport You Hate
Hm. I dunno. I find track and field sort of boring.

80 One thing you cant get enough of
Music & Books.

81 One thing you hate more than anything
It’d probably be senseless death.

82 LOVE LIFE
83 Are You Single?
Hell yes ;D. No one’s awesome enough for meh >D

84 If not, who is your bf/ gf?
:D

85 How Long Have You Been Together?
:D

86 If You' re Single, Do you Like It?
I’ve never known anything else, so I guess I do :3

87 Do You Have a Crush On Anyone Right Now?
I’m not sure. o-o;

88 First Kiss
NEVER.

89 Ever Kiss in the Rain?
NEVER.

90 In a Movie Theater?
NEVER.

91 Under water?
LOL, I KNOW KELSEY AND NGUYEN DO THAT ALL THE TIME XDDDD
… NEVER.

92 First Love
None. :D

93 Have you ever Cheated on Anyone?
Psh. No. No one to cheat on. :D

94 Been Cheat ed on?
No.

95 Used Someone?
I don’t think so.

96 Been used?
Sometimes I feel like I was, but probably not. xD;

97 Lied to your bf/gf?
Of course. I’ve never had a bf so that makes SO much sense! :D

98 Ever Made out With Just a Friend?
Of course. I’ve never been kissed, so that makes SO much sense! :D

99 Ever Had Sex With Just a Frien d?
Ew. Nasteh. I’m pretending this question doesn’t exist k?

100 Are You a Tease ?
Er. No.

101 Do you Flirt a Lot?
I don’t even know how. ._.

102 Longe st Relationship
0 DAYS.

103 Shortest
0 DAYS.

104 Have you Ever Gotten a Poem?
… no?

105 Ever Get Flowers?
No. :D


106 Sweetest Thing You've Ever Gotten
My “older brother’s” trucker hat that says “KILL EM ALL. LET GOD SORT EM OUT”.… then again, I sort of just asked for it and he didn’t really care. It wasn’t sweet. I just love the hat. XDDD

107 Do you Like Valentine's Day or Sweetest Day?
I like white day. Then the guys have to give you thank you gifts for your chocolate :D

108 Do you Believe in Love at First Sight?
Maybe for other people. But not for me.

109 Do you Believe in
This is so not a complete sentence. :D

110 Do you Fall in Love Fast?
Ha, I’d never know :D

111 Are you a Player?
No. :D

112 Would you ever Hook Up With Someone of the Same sex?
Nah. Maybe as time passes on, but right now I doubt it.

113 Have You ever Kisse d 2 People in One Day?
Of course not.

114 Kisse d 2 People At One Time?
Of course not.

115 Had Sex with 2 People in One day?
Of course not.

116 Had sex with 2+ People at One Time?
Of course not.

117 Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex?
Yes.

118 Ever Been Dumped?
HAHA NO.

119 Ever dumped someone?
… no.

120 Ever been rejected?
…. Only once. :D

121 Do you have a lot of ex' s?
I HAVE NONE.

122 Are you a slut?
I don’t think so.

123 Ever been called one?
If I have, then I’d be the worst slut ever. XD

124 Ever dated someone more than once?
NO. >D

125 Do you ever make the first move?
…. I’m not sure.

126 Double dates or single?
NONE.

127 Do you want to get married?
Maybe. Who knows what the future holds.

128 OPPOS ITE SEX (what you're attracted to)
129 Hair Color
As long it’s not the same color as mine, I’m fine. :D

130 Short or long?
As long as it’s not really long.

131 Style
I don’t really care.

132 Age
Not too young or old :3

133 Height
Taller than me.

134 Weight
Thinnish but not fat. :D

135 Muscular Or Skinny
I like muscles, but I don’t care. .

136 Boxer s or Briefs ……. e_____e.

Yes. An entire post on men.

School is done for 10 days~ YES.

Well, I'm reading People's Sexiest man alive issue, so I'm going to talk about guys for this post. XD

... lol, I love this icon. Jacob is adorableee with short hair.

Hugh Jackman is the sexiest man alive. Hmm. I agree, he is VERY nice to look at as a cowboy in the movie Australia, but his frame looks a little wide in the pictures People took. >:. But I guess that's better than Brad Pitt or Matt Damon or Tom Cruise (None of them are hot or sexy, whatever.)

Penn Badgley was in the issue. (The guy who plays Dan in Gossip Girl). He's sort of cute in the series, but the problem is, when he has a stubble he looks funny. But he's better than the other Gossip girl guys, like Chace and Ed. xP

Why is michael phelps in here? He's not THAT good looking... e___e..

Jake Gyllenhaal is adorable. I wish they'd given him more than a tiny little thing... D:

George Clooney is nice to look at too. He has good facial structure and he looks good with gray hair. (Just saying this as a girl guys...)

EW ZAC EFRON AND KEVIN JONAS.

Oh my gawd. Robert Pattinson looks EXTREMELY hot in the pic people took. Woww, I want to give him a nice long hug and pince his cheeks. He's got nice facial structure AND beautiful eyes @_@

SIMON BAKER FTW. He's adorable too. XD

Oh my gosh, James Franco. He's a wonderful actor and he is freaking GOREGEOUS. I love him. <3

Now I'm going to list some people who would be on MY sexah list.

- Jensen Ackles (Supernatural's Dean Winchester)
This guy is beautiful, sexy, and he plays the best character on television. Love you Jensen~

- Jared Padalecki (Supernatural's Sam Winchester)
ADORABLEEEEE. And he's tall and he's got ABS, it's so crazy. Still, he's freaking adorable, even if he's like a foot taller than me. XD

-Ewan McGregor (Obi Wan Kenobi in the 1-3 of Star Wars)
I love his accent. And he's got these stunning blue eyes. D:

- Gerard Butler (300)
I LOVE HIS ACCENT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. SEXIEST. ACCENT. EVER.

- Justin Hartley (Green Arrow from Smallville)
BEAUTIFUL EYES. BEAUTIFUL FACE. I love his guy and everything he is in. CW picks the best guys, fo sho. XD

- Michael Steger (Navid from 90210)
Very "Exotic", but he also has very beautiful eyes and a very nice face.

- Adam Gregory (Ty from 90210)
He may play a jerk, but when he first walked on screen for 90210, I was speechless. He. Is. GOREGEOUS.

- Taylor Lautner (Jacob Black from the movie Twilight)
Sure. He looks terrible with long hair. But with short hair, he is ADORABLE. Seriously, I love him so much, and I've only seen pictures of him. XD

- Zachary Quinto (Sylar from Heroes)
Not only is he taking on Spock in the new Star Trek movie, this guys got beautiful, sharp facial structure. Wonderful actor and very nice to look at

-Chris Pine
He is a VERY NICE Capt. Kirk if I do say so myself. He's got LONGGG eyelashes and very nice to look at too.

... okay. That was so not an entire post on me judging guys.
What can I say. I have a very refined taste :P.

Life is a runaway train....

Procrastinating on pretty much everything, so here's my post.

Only a few more days til Thanksgiving break. I look forward to doing nothing <3. That's the life, babeh.

Go listen to "Already Gone" by Sugarland. Because it says everything one should know about life. Well most everything.

You know what I'd like to do before I graduate from high school?

Fall in love.

I know, what a silly goal. Don't you care about college? your grades and friends? Yes. I do. But for 16 years I've known one thing, but I want to know what it's like to really fall in love. But that's the future. I can't go back and live high school again.

And you know, I don't want it to be something DARK AND INTRIGUING. As much as I love Zutara, I'm not that type of person. I just want something simple. Just laying out watching the stars, walking around holding hands, silly teasing, dancing out in the rain...

Something sweet, something real. Young love.

... ah, who am I kidding? Men these days aren't... well, I don't know. How they should be?

Life is a runaway train, you can't wait to jump on...

Random Survey

Survey. If you want to know what's up with me, just skip this post. Posted earlier, so just scroll down =D

When was the last time you let someone know you truly love him/her? Hmm. I'm not very sure.
Do you complain when you are bored or look for something to do? Yeah, I do.
Do other people's complaints ever get on your nerves? Alot. Even though I complain 10 times more than anyone, haaa.
Generally, what is your favorite ride at an amusement park? Rollercoasters.
Do you think that music was better when your parents were young, or now? It depends. Some artists fom then are just wunddderful. But they have good artists now too.
How did you develop your specific taste in music? At first I just listened to my dad's music, which is oldies. Then I started to branch off when my friend Michelle introduced me simple plan. I got music from friends, anime, and then I started listening to country stations and watching youtube videos. So really, It's mostly my dad, but there are other influences.
Did your parents sign you up for things like piano lessons and ballet? I did T-ball and cheerleading.
Are you uptight, or are you easy-going? I'm pretty easy going, but sometimes I'm a real bitch <3
Other than gas, what do you frequently purchase at a gas station? Probably Soda / other drinks.
Ten years ago, did you think that this was how the world would turn out? Nope.
Ever think you might be better off living in a different time period? Nah. I'm far too outspoken for my own good.
Think of your favorite band. What album by them is your LEAST favorite? They're all good. ._.
Have you seen your favorite band in concert? I have several favorite bands. XD
Did you take a health class in high school? How was it? I did. It was easy and I don't remember anything from it :D
Do you like any bands from other countries? HELLZ YES. Big Bang is back. >D
When was the last time you mailed a handwritten letter? I have nooo idea.
Do you still receive Christmas cards? Not really.
Do you know anyone who is really hard to please? Yep! Me at time! XD
What gets you through the day? My music.
Do you have a "before bed" routine? Sort of.
Have you called anyone today? What did you talk about? I don't enjoy calling people. So no.
When was the last time you went bowling? Long time ago. Might be going again with friends soon though!
Do you drive around the neighborhood to look at lights around Christmas? Usually me and my friends go to Christmas Card Lane, this cool neigborhood who REALLY goes all out for Christmas. It's really fun.
Why are so many single people bitter on Valentine's Day? Because they don't get chocolate. D:
What holiday is a big deal for you? Christmas.
Have you ever been sledding? No. D:
Have you made a fool of yourself today? Lol, everyday.
Is there someone you wish you could talk to, but you're too afraid? Well sort of. I'd want to talk to him like we did in the old times, but he's in a bubble of LOVEEEEE and if I do, I'd probably pop it. Not that I wouldn't ENJOY doing that... XD
Do you have a favorite cookie? All of them.
Would you say that you are an accepting and open-minded person? Yeah.
Have you ever been convinced to try something you didn't want to do? I believe so...
When was the last time you cheated -- at anything? ... I don't know o-o.
Do you play any online computer games? If so, what? I played Maple Story, Guild Wars, and Ragnarok. I didn't enjoy it that much.
Why do a lot of people say they like MySpace comments over messages? Was MySpace ever a popularity contest for you? Myspace is for losers. :D
What food can you not seem to get enough of? PS!
When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? Usually I ignore them until I'm ready to forgive them.
Have you ever felt out of touch with reality? Alot. What can I say? My head's up in the clouds.
Have you ever been sick to the point of possibly dying? mm, nope.
Have you ever had a tooth pulled? Several.
How long do you you usually chew a stick of gum? I can chew on one for about 2 hours.. XD
Did you chew gum in school, even if it was against the rules? Dur.
Did you take a foreign language in school? Taking Spanish righte now.
Did you attempt to make Honor Roll? Did you make it? I probably could.
What was your favorite school project? Sophomore Thesis <3.
Did you attend any school dances? Yeah. XD
Were you in any after school clubs? In middle school, yeah, sorta. High School, I'm in one club. XD
Was there any teacher that made life living hell for you? Oh yeah.
How about any student(s)? Yep.
Which parent are you more apt to go to if you're upset? Neither. I usually just listen to music.
Do you have any coffee mugs with funny pictures/sayings? I dunno.
Do you ever worry about where the world will be in 20 years? Yes.
Have you spent much time contemplating your death? I spend time contemplating other's demises. :D
Do you know what you want your funeral to be like? I want it to be awesome and not ALL depressing. Celebrate life I lived instead of the death that came, y'know?
Who was the last person you saw cry? Hm. Probably my brother.
Do you give a good back massage? I've never tried.
Do you think that feet are disgusting? My brother's are. XD
Do you have a girlish scream? Only when I'm in pain. XD
When was the last time you screamed? Friday, at the MC game. Which was INTENSE STUFF.
Do you think you would enjoy living in college dorms? Who knows?
Have you ever been to the YMCA? Hellz yes. XD
If you ditched school, where did you go? ... GAME CRAZY LOL. (only color guard people will get this)
Have you ever been offered drugs? No.
Are you put off by overly social people? At times.
What do you think of people who are shy? I can be shy, but some of them annoy the crap out of me. =____=.

Over it.

Sorry for not updating lately. Everythings cool now, so not really anything to write about.

Well, I got 2 new CDs. Taylor Swift's new CD and Twilight Soundtrack. I SERIOUSLY recommend you by Taylor Swift's. She has wonderful songs on there that are just GOLD. Seriously, she is one of THE BEST song writers out there. Her lyrics and melodies and harmonies all fit together. Although she does not have the best voice in the industry, it fits her songs almost perfectly.

The Twilight CD is better for those who enjoy rock, like Paramore for example. Still a great CD though, even though I haven't really listened to all of it yet.

We beat MC on Friday. It was an INTENSE game, and it was really fun to watch with Jessie and Labsan. Boots, Fuji, Ben Y, and others were there, but mostly I just hung out with those two. Even though they made me sit next to Boots. e__e. Psh, whatever. They tried to leave me alone with him, but I'm not stupid.

I may be a hopeless romantic, but I can be disillusioned. I can cure myself of heart break, and I can come out the better. Sure, he may of gotten his girl, but I don't think he even knows how exhausted he looks lately. Catching up all his school work, band, being sick has not beed kind to him.

It's kind of funny when people think things can't get worse or their life's are so terrible. You're loved, you can still laugh, you can still have fun. What's there to be crying about?

So who won this one? I think I did. It just took a long uproad hill to reach the top.

So am I over Boots? Pretty much. I still have to look after him though, because frankly, he fails at it. e _ e;

How did I do it? I just did.

Time heals all wounds unless you pick at them.

NO NOT THE PUPPY.

Chose this avatar because my brother was watching Yugioh, where they have the motorcycle riding guys and the seal of oricalcoas and Mai's a bad guy and her voice makes you want to puke. And Valen's accent is hilarious. XD

... And Kaiba needs to get laid. Seriously, what a prick. XD

Some things in life are good, some are bad. Nothing really to talk about... :D

I really want to see Australia. It looks like an awesome movie with beautiful scene and a very scruffy Hugh Jackman as a cowboy. Soooo niceeee to look atttt. :D. And it's a romance. Even if I really don't like Nicole Kidman that much, I still want to see itttt :D

Huck Finn making fun of Romanticism Literature FTW BABEH.

Now I leave you with some quotes I made up. Enjoy. -bows-

"Roll your eyes and move on. That's all he's worth anyways."

"And when you finally realize she’s what you wanted all along,
she'll finally fall head over heels for a better boy."

"I draw hearts in foggy mirrors for no one and I write love on my own arms."

"Everyone wants you to do something, when sometimes the best is doing… well nothing."

"“He’s just not worth it” sounds better coming from your own mouth than someone else’s doesn’t it?"

"They’re all surrounded in a bubble love… and it’s my job to pop it once in awhile."

" & this world is too small to live with hate, and too big to live without love."

My thoughts you can't decode...

Is it weird for the me to wish that I ever fall in love, I want him to be one of my best friends?

Because I want someone who I trust. Who I can tell everything, and they won't think any less of me. Someone who will sit outside with me and watch the stars. Who is as proud of their heritage as I am. Who just brings the widest smile to my face, who I'd want to be perfect for, even though we both know he doesn't care.

Is that weird of me? Or hopeless of me?

I don't know.

I guess that's why it's taking me forever to get over... that guy. Because he was my friend. I think we were close. I don't even know, maybe he was playing me, maybe I was playing myself, but in the end, he decided my friendship wasn't worth keeping.

I'm stranded. People keep telling me something and then another and maybe then nothing. They give me half of the story and expect me to understand. It's getting me really pissy, to the point where my demons are getting restless. I've imagined killing several people vividly in the past 2 days. And the thing is, I didn't find it very disturbing. ._.;

It's to the point I'm starting to distance myself from people, and my annoyance levels are skyrocketing. I really feel like I can only tell one person everything without anything being judged, who will just listen.

Plus the fact the other person I usually confine is the one teasing me (I hope not intentionally) with all these things they know and I don't. It's making me very irritable towards her, and I don't like that.

... oh well. ^^;

EYE OF THE TIGERR

I don't even want to talk about today. So I'm going to do a survey instead. :D
BTW, Jensen Ackles is so adorable. Look up "Eye of the Tiger" on Youtube, and click on the one that mentions Supernatural & Jensen Ackles.

It is win :D

[you think you know me? you dont know anything] the survey

[basics you dont know]
nic name you prefer:: Hoshi.
zodiac sign:: Virgo
age including months:: 16, 2 months and 1 day.
real hair color:: Brown.
color you dye it [if you do]:: Dark red. :D
age you got your first piercing/tattooss:: Never.
mental problems/disorders:: Sometimes I think I'm bipolar and a Schizo, but nothing that I know of.
signifigant other and how long:: No one, and not ever.
sexual orientation:: Straight :3

[favorites you dont know]
shampoo/conditioner:: ... I don't know...
deodorant:: I don't really care.
perfume/cologne:: I just like sweet smelling lotion.
perfume/cologne on the opposite sex [or same if prefrence]:: I don't like smelly men D<
favorite shirt:: Probably my red shirt with the funny back.
favorite pair of pants:: My dark Calvin Klein jeans I got on sale @ Marshalls >D
pair of shoes:: My checkered black Vans skater shoes or my red sandals.
color you like to wear:: Black & white.
soap?: Nothing really.
lotion?: The French Vanilla lotion I got from Fragonard :D
picture of yourself?: The picture of me @ SDCC07 with my sonic hat. :D

[deeper that you dont know]
do you hold grudges or forgive easy?: I forgive pretty easily.
how many real, close, friends do you have that you can truly trust?: Honestly? 1.
are you happy when you are single?: I don't know. I suppose.
do you really love yourself?: Not really.
do you have any anxieties?: Yes. You have no idea.
what makes you most unhappy?: Love. Grades.
what makes you most mad?: Intolerant people. And people who won't shut up.
do you feel like you have everything you want/need?: Of course I don't have everything I want, but I'll survive.
are you content?: Most of the time.
how do you spend most of your free time?: On the computer or reading and drawing.
do you have hobbies- can you be alone and have fun-?: Yes I have hobbies & yes I can have fun by myself.
what really scares you?: So many things. Just not the things you'd expect.
do you have any phobias?: Lightning.
whats your favorite physcical feature about you?: I guess my eyes.
whats your favorite part of your personality?: I try to be fair.
what do you hate most about other people?: Intolerance, ignorance, conformity, and people who just don't know ANYTHING and think they know EVERYTHING.
do you feel understood or misunderstood?: Misunderstood.
do you have a problem with pda?: Not really, but it's fun to point it out.

[other things you dont know]
tell us something most people dont know about you:: I have a conscience named Hachi which makes sure I don't go completely insane / murder things.
anything else you want to say about yourself?: There are so many things people don't know about me, or that I know about myself. But that's the wonder of life. We have to find ourselves.
or to the people who think* they know you?: They think they do.

dun dun... DUNE?!

Tomorrow's the day...

WHEN THE NEW FALL OUT BOY CD COMES OUT! AND THE TWILIGHT SOUNDTRACK WITH 2 NEW PARAMORE SONGS ON IT! YESSSSHHH

... And also the election. Which no one cares about. At all. :P

Eh. Life's life. Trying to find a survey to do e__e;... I give up. My brain's too picky D:.

You made me laugh, you made me cry, I don't know which side to buy...

Eheh. I have absolutely no self esteem, what can I say? That's why I say there's no hope. e__e;. Yeah...

You're all I'm reaching for...

Don't wanna think about you.

Go to my playlist, find Already Over, and listen to it. It is one of the Zutara Songs. And it it is awesome. :D

Halloween was awesome. Got fatting candy with the Jessica's & Nicole, went to Anna's party and watched Shaun of the Dead. Funny but disturbing movie. e__e;.

Then on Saturday I went to the RB tourney with Ben and Risu. I was the wheel on top of the car. Or 3rd wheel. Whatever you want to call it. :D

I was sad when we got last. ;e;. Stupid RB tourney. D:. They are suckage. But I really really really loved their show. Westview's shows got exponetially better than the last time I saw it... the soulja boy dance was actually sort of adorableee. XD.

So afterwards, the bands are walking back to the buses and I'm talking to him. I give him a sort of hug and later he pats me on the head.

When I hear about her... she kind of sounds like me... sort of... perhaps just a better version. Like Lorn and Data from Star Trek: Next Generation. I'm the failure module.

I can't help it. I... I... I don't know. I don't know how to say it. I don't think I can say it. I don't WANT to say it, or even think it. But I do.

And it tears me apart how much I wish, but how much I know things like that don't happen. And how such stupid things can make me happy. Like a simple pat on the head.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Freaking Stupid.

If he was any other guy, this would be done. I wouldn't feel a thing, and I'd be off and running.

But I can't. Even though my feelings are such a burden, and I'm pretty sure y'all are annoyed at me for not getting over him already, and how he doesn't deserve me, yadda yadda.

That doesn't stop it. It's hard enough keeping these demons at bay, I don't know how to get these words out of my chest and write them down. I don't know what this is, I just want it to go away.

Lalalalalalala, Don't wanna hear this anymore.... don't want to think about you....

I'm not crying over it. Just in agony over it. And also thanking the lord he can't read this.

He's the only person I don't want knowning how... weak I am.

How so very, very, weak.