the realm of possibilities

So I finished my first application yesterday.
Dear lord, I've never been more stressed out! It was an early app to the one college I really really want to go to. I'm so nervous. I don't think I can wait til Mid December for the decision! I can't imagine going to any other school...

But maybe the good increase in score this time around for the SATs and all.

It's just... I looked more in depth at my program and the projects look goregeous. I'm so excited to learn to design such beautiful things.

I have so many dreams in my head, you know? I wish I could write down all the ideas I have in my head, all the worlds, all the characters, all the lines. But it never comes out quite right. So I just expand my mind even more by reading, and imaginging.

The possibilities are boundless in my head.

Not at least til I have to~

<-- oh god, it's like a shojo manga all over again! D:. Yeah, the text in red is so my reply, haha.

Seriously, reading shojo manga outloud in a very dramatic way can be extremely fun. Especially Fushigi Yuugi tee hee hee. I'LL NEVER LET YOU GO, LULZ LULZ.

Well I have nothing to report from the land of... land. I'll just post some quotes that I like from A River Sutra. :]. They are all from Tariq Mia. Cause he's just so awesome.

"You mustn't be so frightened of love, little brother."
"How can you say you have given up the world when you know so little of it?"

"My students will thank Allah for their good fortune, knowing they must endure me for the rest of the day."
"The human heart has only one secret. The capacity to love."
"Oh little brother, are you so unfortunate? Have you never beed scalded by love?"
"But, as I say, I am an old man and too close to meeting God myself to exhaust what little energy remains to me in singing to him all night..."

FAIL PEOPLE. D:<

I'm going to start this entry with one thing:
I am probably one of the most unsympathetic people when it comes to unrequited love.

You want to get over them? MOVE ON.
You can't do it? WELL YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO.
I know that sounds really rough, but if I've done a million and one times, you can do it too. I'm fine if your trying, then I sympathize cause it really is hard. But if you don't even try. You automatically go "Oh I can't". Well fuck you. Seriously, I hope you die alone then. NO ONE WILL BE BETTER, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. SHUT THE FUCK UP. Seriously - one. No one really cares. You'll just push people away if you whine and complain about your tru luvvvv and how much you luvvvvvvv them, but they luvvvvvvv someone else. Be fucking patient then. If it's meant to be, you'll have to wait until they come around. And well that's all fine and dandy, but your wasting away your life on something your not even sure off.

To the kids who don't want to make a decision? TOO FUCKING BAD.
Make one and live with it. If you're afraid of hurt people. Well guess what. PEOPLE GET HURT. Stop treating them like babies and decide. I did. I lived. What happens is what happens. MOVE THE FUCK ON.

And yeah guess what, Trying to make people jealous doesn't work. It only pisses people off. So fuck you, people who think freaking with another girl when you like another to make the other jealous is all fine and dandy. You're not even worth looking at.

/rage

Love your life.

<--- Isn't it sad? :<

You know, I've changed alot in the past few months. Everything used to bother me. I used to care about everything, I was indesicive, I was anxious, I just wanted life to go away.

But now... after all I've been through... well, I love my life. I swim my heart out everyday. It feels good to be exhausted. I love my classes. Yes, even useless AP Gov. I love sitting next to Jeff, Karl, Christine, Urmila, and Charles, who make the class a billion times more bearable. I love WHAP & APAH as the history buff I am - the books we're reading, the material we're learning... I don't care if everyone else thinks it's useless. I love it.

I love my friends. All of them. Even the ones I barely talk to. They make me smile and they give me a reason to interact with people, even when I don't want to. I love my family. I love how I can tell them practically everything, and how silly we can be, even when there's trouble afoot, I know I can depend on them.

I love the books I read and how they make me think. I love beautiful things that no one else really considers, I love the music that surrounds my head.

... I actually love myself for who I am.

HOMECOMINGGGG

OMG HOMECOMING WAS SO AWESOMEEEEE <3.

So let's start from the very beginning, shall we? :)
So I didn't go to the game this year. Whatever, I was able to sit at home and do some serious Kingdome hearts playing done, haha. And yeah, just a lazy night.

So then Saturday comes along. Got a swim swim meet for the first part of the day. Which was ok I guess. I dropped time in most of my event except for the 100 back. Boooo. But anyways. We hurried home, and I headed out to Felvic's house with my delicious brownies.

Got there and ate dinner with the group. LOL, Alex fails at cutting up the brownies. He cut up the foil at the same time, LOL. So all us girls got changed after we ate (ON THE FLOOR. WIN). The boys were downstairs screamin about spiders which Fishie had hid around the area. And they wouldn't stop. Gawrsh. Mijo had to straigthen everyone's hair and Felvic had the greatest hat ever. :0. Gary came late with all his soda, LOL. We took pictures. And then walked to Home Coming. SO HARDCORE.

Got checked in by the librarians, HAHA. They're job was to make sure people weren't freaking. Wouldn't that be really awkward though? Have the librarians catch you dirty dancing? SNAP. We were part of the first 200 to get in, so we got smoothies. Which I spilled all over my white dress and got my hands all sticky. WINNNN.

And the rest of the night was spent just dancing and having a crazy time. Shouting "Don't Stop Believing" was pretty awesome. And our fail dancing. Me running around and seeing bunches of people I knew. GARY CAN FIT 4 GIRLS UNDERNEATH HIS ARMS, AHA. And Gary and Alex fighting over the hat they found lying around. And the guys being extremely gay with each other. WIN.

The whole dance was just win. Afterwards, our group walked back. I got cold, and said so, and Gary was like "Do you want my shirt?" He didn't understand why I said no, HAHAHA. And complained especially loud when I took Kevin's jacket, haha. Got back to Felvic's house around 11. We proceeded to eat all her food and lay around the house until she kicked us out. :X. I drove Gary to the stop light. He wouldn't get out of the car, LOL. xD. Almost missed the light. XDD.

Great homecoming. Best one EVER. Had TONS of fun. <3

GG planning.

LOL. Tomorrow is Hetalia day and we're having a axis power themed cooking party at Felvic's house. Excellent timing! XD. Tee hee, I'm so excited for tomorrow. I hope I can get done with the meet early so then I can go and help cook! >_<;;. Ah well. Well I finished the brownies! I loveeee mixing brownies. It gets so thick and gooey. It's wonderful. It doesn't stick to the pan as much this time around haha. Hopefully I'll have enough for tomorrow. :]. Since I am the only Germany one, haha. AXIS POWERS, TEE HEE HEE.

To you, the world is filled with hate I suppose.
People like y'all.
You make the world feel so dark.
You're the reason people
are afraid of being themselves.
They're afraid of being judged.
Or being thrown away.
Well you know what?
Screw you.
If I'm going to Hell
at least I'll be hanging out with all the cool people.
Since your "God" hates everyone but you.
What a lonely heaven, I'd think.
I'll take my fire and brimstone.
Over your 'paradise'.
Cause your paradise?
That sounds like my hell.

I just keep losing my beat~

Bah, I'm sooo sore. Dx. Hard work out today. I could barely breathe during the few precious seconds we had for rest. Coach came to ask our times, and I was too busy breathing to even do that math to tell him the time. But it was a satisfying practice, if I do say so myself. C:

Man I'm so sad. Bones isn't on tonight. D:. Life is so empty without Bones. D:. Lack of awkward lurve makes me sad.

Btw, Puck and Rachel are a cuter couple than Finn and Rachel from Glee. For serious.

Man, today was pretty good. Especially offroll. Me and Amy are going to be the only ones to survive if the country enforces a natural selection on anyone who can't get a rubber 'get strong' bracelet with one hand fast enough. Hahahaha. Perhaps I'm destined to be a halo spartan. :X.

Well I'm going to go read cheesy pick up lines and play video games. Life is so simple and sweet right now. I love it. xD

who you gonna call?

<--- IN HONOR OF THE STAY PUFF MARSHMELLOW MAN, LOLOL. Seriously, catchiest theme song ever. And being a ghostbuster would be an awesome job, don't you think? It'd be like a firemen. Except more awesome. Tee hee.

"I AIN'T FRAID OF NO GHOST!" >:D.

Haha, new goal in life; be a ghostbuster. I wanna be on a team with the nostalgia critic. :B. And James Rolfe. We'd kick nerdy ass. :D

College fair todayyyy. Just picked up alot of shit for my bro, and checked out the room with my current IWANTTOGOTO college. I should have asked more questions, but well... I don't have any questions really. I know I want to go there. XD. It's really hard to explain... and I've meaning to talk to my friend who's going there now and ask her about it, but I'm afraid she's too busy and I don't want to waste her time. >___<;;

Tee hee, I saw something on Rofirazzi about Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. My day is complete. :D

Welp, gotta study for APAH~.

high hats, narrow collars~

Today was a relatively good day~. Although the APAH test sucked. I still love that class haha. And Hinduism presentation with food & bollywood?! WHO CAN RESIST?! D:. We has a Lagaan song in there. Freaking love Lagaan. I had it stuck in my head for most of the period, haha. At least their songs actually make sense. And it's a funny movie, just because of the english girl. :B.

Man, swim practice was hard today. Bah, I'll be dropping off for bed soon so I can make it to mornin practice. Wake up time at 4:30! FUN STUFF GUYS. 8D

Yesterday I bought some chocolate pretzels at Henry's. Sooooooo goood. I don't care if their fatty. I can afford to gain weight. :X.

Oh and btw? Fred Astaire is awesome. Seriously that guy is an amazing dancer. And the first jedi. Just watch Puttin on the Ritz and you will open your eyes. >:D

I WANT TO BREAK FREEEEE.

The world's not fair hun. It never will be.

It's the best thing I can say to you.
I could be hurt, I could be depressed,
In a way I am - we had our good times.
But I threw that away and I'm living with my choices.
And I'm not going to lie - I do miss it sometimes.
But honestly?
I'm just so happy with myself. For once.
Cause I don't care what you say anymore.
Or anyone else for that matter.
(Not that much anyways)
I hurt you. I'm sorry about that.
But hun, it's time to drive away and never look back.
The future is a marvalous thing.
And the past always has it's nostalgia.
But there is only now, you know?
Now.
NOW.
I know there will probably be plenty of other boys,

plenty of other friends,

plenty of other life changing experiences for me.
They'll never be the same, yeah.
But that's the beauty of memories.
(Can't believe it took me til senior year to figure this shit out.)
But well.
Life goes on.
So long dear.
I sincerely wish you have a pleasant life.

I work til I ache in my bones~

Wah, next week is going to be hell. D: APAH TESTS FAIL ;_;.
Plus Religion presentation due Tuesday. I finished my part, but blah. Just nervous about it.
Although I'm actually in a pretty good mood. I've been watching alot of monster madness stuff by James Rolfe, who runs Cinemassacre. Because of him, I've learned alot more about classic horror movies and such. Man, the horror movies before color are... soooo awesome! They look so intriguing and spellbinding. Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff (especially Karloff <3) are wonderful. And then we get into the gorey stuff. It's so disgusting and unpleasant. :/.

Bought Queen's Greatest Hits CD. Soooo awesome. No Bohemian Rhapsody though, FML. Dx. Oh well. :B. Still awesome classic rock <3

You know, I've been in a general state of happiness lately. I don't know, I've been working hard, with all my free time learning new things and spending with my family... Drifting away from some friends, growing closer to others...

And yet I'm satisfied with my life. I'm actually okay with the choices I've made this year.

I was afraid after all this I'd feel all this regret. But I don't.

Weird how I start to receive closure now, huh?

But on the other hand.

SO YAY SATS ARE DONE WOO HOO.
... but my face is swollen with a potential infection, I have a dull headache, Alotttt of APAH cards to do, Gov to BS... Fun weekend, haha.

I would just like to take the time to say that Ancient Indian History is awesome. Especially Asoka. I wish they had more of him in my WHAP reading. He sounds like such an interesting guy. :X

Meh, I hate being sick. :/. I'm not in such a good mood right now, since my mouth is really bothering me and so is my head.

DUMB PRINTER.

Damn printer hates me. :/. Seriously, why the hell does it have to do this THIS YEAR. THE YEAR WHERE I ACTUALLY NEED THE PRINTER ALL THE FUCKING TIME. TOP NOTCH WORK HP. HAVING THE SOLUTION THING ONLY WORK WHEN A PRINTER IS CONNECTED. WELL YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM. MY PRINTERS NOT CONNECTING FOR SOME DUMB REASON AND YOU CAN'T GIVE ME AN ANSWER CAUSE "no product is detected". BULLSHIT.

... So anyways. Reading new volume of Case Closed in the library today and... well. First I'm going to state this; Case Closed is much better at developing believable and cute relationships than most shojos. And it's a crime solving manga. SERIOUSLY.

Anyways, it's one with Serena in it and... WOW. That's all I have to say about her relationship with Makoto. It's freggin BEAUTIFUL. I love Jimmy and Rachel's, but... SERENA AND MAKOTO ARE ADORABLE. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Dx.

... ok I'm done now.

to say anything else

Today was such a beautifulllll day~. The air was crisp, but the sun was still shining. It was kind of like after the rain, except I don't know... more crispy. :3.
That's why I like fall - mostly because even though it's getting colder, it's not too cold. Especially where I live haha. As Gary puts it: "It's sunny every. single. day." XD.

YARGH, My whole family is sick! So annoying. I hope they get better soon. :[. Plus I'm the only who's not sick, so it's like... I'M NEXT. O_____________O

And I got the new KH game. What's it called again? 382 1/2 days or something. I'm not far into it cause I'm so busy, but dang, alot of the organization 13 members are totaly jackasses. Except for Axel. Man, I love Axel. Next mission I get to go on with him. >:D.

BTW XION WAS SO INVENTED TO MAKE AXEL AND ROXAS SEEM STRAIGHT. THE FOOLS. D:<

"WHY DO ALL THE GIRLS LEAVE ME?!"

Ohwow, Saturday was soooo fun. <3.
So after piano theory and getting my car washed, I went to volunteer at the WV gold tourney. WV gold was practicing on the field when I got there, so I hung out with VJ, Yang, Dale & Fujii. Makes me miss the guys even more. D:. School is so weird without them... even though it's already been a month or two since I've had to adjust without them. Can't get over that they're gone. D:.

So after WV gold was done, we retreated to the bandroom. All the bandos went their seperate ways. Dobby Tsui went with Charbear. (THAT IS HIS NEW NAME, I WANT IT TO CATCH ON. D:< CAUSE IT'S WEIRD TO CALL HIM CHARLES. I KNOW TOO MANY CHARLES, SO I THINK OF THE ASIAN ONES IF I CALL HIM CHARLES. D:). ANYWAYSSSS, so then I hung out with Brenda, Gary, and other random bandos until I had to volunteer.

MC'S SHOW IS AWESOME BTW. SO IN AWE OF THEIR SHOW. T___T

Afterwards, I hung out for a little longer. Lulz, Denise and Tom spinning around the band room, and then Tom fell on his tailbone. "I feel like I was penetrated by a blackman." XDDDDD.

Overall, a great day. x3