The Holiday.

Watched The Holiday today. I loved it. Iris is AWESOME. TAKE THAT JASPER. HA.

Sort of quote analysis time

"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "

... I can't say how much I agree with that. Except I know what happened. Me. Truthfully the thought of someone loving me... is terrifying. I don't know why. It just makes feel... I don't know how to put it in words...

It's just... scary. Scarier than any horror movie.

Swim guys :D

Lawl, I apologize for not posting alot. I'm really lazy.

Well, I was thinking about my guy friends in swimming. So here they are:

- Trent
GAWD I LOVE YOU TRENT. Well... no I just think your awesome. I WANT YOU TO GO TO MY HIGH SCHOOOOOLLLLLLL. ;__;. But he's taller than me. And skinnier. But he's younger...

- Older Josh
Lawl. I wanted to kill him sooo many times. He was an annoying little bugger.

-Younger Josh
xD. The funny thing is he was taller than the older one. BUT I LOVE YOU JOSH. I MISS YOUUU. ;________; -hugs- I want you backkkkkkkkkkk ;_; <3

- Dustin
Freaking fatty always ignores me. I hope he gets run over D<

- Miguel
He always looked like he was high. Seriously. But he was cool when he and Kat dated. Then he got a life.

- Mark
MAAAAARKKK. You are awesome. Yet strangely sane. Wth.

- Austin
He's old. But he's still cool. Just not as cool as Trent

- Andrew
ANDREEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW. Gawd, I love that kid (But I love younger Josh more XD) He and John are my Yugioh buddies!

- John
He's annoying yet... oddly entertaining to watch.

- Charles
CHARLES. I MEAN RICHARD. Lawl, his younger brother's taller than him. xD. He was cute little kid. But I think alot of girls are going to molest him for that >.>;

- Dan
.... Personality wise, he FAILS. SRSLY. But in looks... HE WINS. HANDS DOWN. He is probably the only good looking guy in all of swimming. :D

- Scott
... Not really my friend, but it's just SO fun to yell at him when his turns suck during the 500 free ^^

- Steven
Oh god. I loved teasing him when I was littler.. He goes to RB now...

>.<

Argh. I think I'm allergic to something D:

Taylor Swift's songs are <3.Cold as You. It reminds me... of someone. Yeah someone. Someone I care for. ^^. Deeply. Way too deeply. But he's... always angry at me. And he builds up these walls that I can't get too. Ever.

I feel bad for letting myself care this much about someone...

"Oh, what a shame. What a rainy ending given to a perfect day.
So just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say.
And now that I'm sittin' here thinkin' it through, I've never been anywhere cold as you. "

Random stuff cont.

Uhm. Yeah I'm back :D Outback makes awesome porterhouses ;___;

Well. Yeah. Rascal Flatts concert yesterday. Had a blast. =D. I love the guitarist. Seriously. HIS HAIR IS HAWT. AND SO ARE HIS MAD GUITAR SKILLZ. AND HE'S A GOOD SINGER. <33 He's drool worthy. I mean awe inspiring XD;. CD come out on 9-25. Even though Me and Dad just went to go get a Taylor Swift and Kenny Chesney CD. XD;. We're such country losers. :D

Poway Parade today. Yays to that too. Uggies tho, I keep having random sneezing fits. D:. I so blame Anna for that D<. Now I'm Mrs. snuffles D:

Hm? Random stuff now I guess. I need better guy friends. =.= Seriously, they're not really friendly. Except for Michael. And Jason. And Ben. And Andrew P. And maybe Ben Y. Oh and Noel. And VJ. And Reggie. ... OKAY NOT ALL OF THEM. ONLY A FEW. XD

I want to slap some them so badly. Well, one in particular. He pisses me off. Him and his emo self. D:<

Yeah I'm emo too. >.>;. I need a anime and manga buddy. That's a guy. So I can we can argue. About anime and manga. (cause all my anime and manga buddies are girlies D':) Like that one guy who goes to the Library in the morning. XD He's like Piro: HE READS SHOJO MANGA. COME ON. THAT'S ONE COOL GUY.

... XD. damn well that's all for now. :D

let's waste time
chasing cars...

Random stuff~ :D

... Shit I'm a retard. I created two of these things. XD

Well, apparently I have to go again. o-o;;

Uhm. All I need to say is...

GOD BLESS THE BROKEN ROOOOAAAD.

THAT LEAD ME STRAIGHT TO YOOOOOOU.

-Went to Rascal Flatts Concert Yesterday-

STACY'S MOM

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO EXPLAIN THE TITLE. XD

Lawl, I was reading this one book called "the hopeless romantic's handbook"

... READ IT. NOWS. It's freaking good. And I loved the ending. Love Love Love Love Loved it.

brother: "I bet your going to get a boyfriend in senior year!"
Me: -bursts out laughing-

LAWL. ME?! NOT SINGLE. BLASPHEMY.

... then again if mom wants to turn me into a barbie doll for college then I need Ken. :

EW.

That's like... like... ME FALLING ASLEEP IN CALC.

... snap I did. >.>; DAMN.

Reality

I'm fading in and out of "reality" nowadays.

I mean now.. Saturday seems like a dream. I'm back to this same monotonous routine of school. I want something different and new. I just... I hate this normality. I'm so annoyed with everyday the same thing.

Maybe that's why I can't stand thinking of working in a cubicle. I need air. I need to be free. I want to go somewhere amazing. Where everyday is a new adventure. Filled with danger and excitement.

Maybe I should be "content" with normality. I know I should. But I'm an idealist, not a realist.

But being an idealist, I've still learned not to expect the impossible: That no one will fall in love with me.

And I don't really care. I'm cruel, stubborn, scheming, a cry baby, easily confused, clumsy, and about a hundred other faults. Everyone wants perfection. I want out. What good is perfection if I can't be my ol pimple faced self? Why turn into a Barbie doll when being who I am is so much more enjoyable?

I have no expectations of anyone falling in love with me. (Because I know it's nigh impossible). If they do, fine whatever. It's better to give than receive. And I will give love and admiration to everyone I think deserves it.

Because in reality, I know I don't deserve any. Cause someday they're hearts will be broken when I'm gone

rye hfjkee

I hate graphing. And log.

LAWL NOT THAT KIND OF LOG.

Anyways Iunno. Another boring weekend. Time seems to go so slowly these days... I mean that's great and all but.. I'm really... bored.

Augh. I felt like my heart was going to hop out of my mouth today. It was reall weird o-o;

... Yeah. Nothing interesting today. I'm not going to pretend there was.

Mixed emotions

Today was Ronnie's Party. We burninated Sasuke and played Guitar Hero and played truth or dare.

Well... someone asked if I liked this one person. Of course I said I didn't but... I don't know. I'm not really sure about my emotions right now.

I mean... This person... I care about him more than all my guy friends. And most of my girl friends. I worry about him excessively and I like seeing him happy. And... I'm really comfortable talking to him. I know, Tori and Jeana, But Tori isn't really the one to talk to when your emo and when I talk to Jeana about it I feel like I'm creating more unnessacary feelings for her. But when I talk to him about stuff that bothers me... I feel alot better. I can't really put it into words...

I know I love him as brother. But... could it be more?

... I don't think so. At least not yet. I... I don't my heart to break and for all those nights I spent nearly crying myself to sleep over... some guy. I don't want to give anyone else the power to break my heart. I'm not ready for that yet.

But I do care about him. Alot. Besides, I already know who he's... "interested" in? And... someone precious to me is developing romantic feelings for him. So I don't want to ruin that either.

I hope you find your super special awesome person <3

And I hope I don't remember this in the morning.

=|

I've been reading alot lately. So I recently read New Moon by Stephanie Meyer. Bella went really emo when Edward left her.

... I'm sorry Yang. I lied.

I said I don't understand why anyone would want to stop living because of another person. That was a complete lie. I don't see the point in living sometimes. Because I don't feel loved.

Yeah I know. I am loved. I know because for my birthday I got 2 (!) cakes and an awesome sketch from Sora when I really didn't want anything. But... there's still a hole. I hate my birthday. It reminds me of things I can never have. I try to ward them off, make sure they don't affect me and the people around me. But sometimes it comes out. My insecurity slips through.

Now more than ever, I know I am loved. But... but why don't I feel loved?

I worry excessively. Inside my heart, I'm always worried about you onii chan. And how I worry so much about Tsuki too. But they won't let me in. I've never had a best friend. Or anyone I could pour my heart onto (except for my stuff animals... >_>;; )

Where do I go now...? Back into the shadows of myself. No one likes a broken soul.

Childish ambitions / 2 DAYS

... I started playing Neopets again XD

augh I'm only a few hundred from owning at Whack a staff member ;_____;''

I started up like... whut, 2001? Yeah, it's really old XD. I have a White Kougra, Baby Gelert (Bought pb when it cost like... 2 hundred thousand >.<), Cloudy Chomby (It used to be a Bulmaroo... XD) and a purple Bori who's constantly unhappy >.>;

Going up to LA to hang with my family. Playing Texas Hold em was so fun... and BS. DON'T GET ME STARTED WITH BS. XDDD

Well we celebrated my birthday with them. What I got:

- Supernatural season 1 (<333333)
- CG jacket (<3)
- Notebooks and stuff from China (<3)
- Mist headband (<3333)
- Borders gift card (<33)
- Money (<3)
- Rascal Flatts Concert tickets (<33333333333333)

zhomg. Rascal Flatts Concert soon. I can't waitt.

... 2 days til my birthday. whoa.

Have you ever wanted to be something you can't? I want to be either an astronaut, Indiana Jones, a Jedi...

I wish I could. I love History so I'd LOVE to be Indiana Jones. But you know. I can't. Because he's only in a freaking movie ;__;