standing still

Last night I dreamed he was there.
I went up to him and he hugged me.
And he told me missed me and loved me.

I don't remember the rest of the dream. I just remember he was there.
But then I woke up.
Now he's in my dreams too. Get out of my head.

I come here when I want to talk about things I don't want anyone else to read.

I miss him.
I really miss him

And that's why I should probably let him go.

my friend says she doesn't wants to be forever alone.

I want to be forever alone.

I'm so scared.

I don't want to feel. I wish I didn't feel anything.

Make this feeling go away. Please.

I don't want to be this weak.

That's it. Starting today.

I need to push him away. For everyone's sake.

If everything goes through.

This is the start of the worst goodbye ever.

I have to though.

hm.

I'm terrible at expressing how I feel. To anyone.

But there's this boy.

He is the dorkiest person I've ever met.
He can't sing to save his life.
He says stupid things all the time.
He teases me constantly.

And I constantly say terrible things to him, and smack him.

But for some reason, he likes me.

He says I'm smart. I'm funny. and I'm pretty.

I don't know how to believe him.
I don't know why.
I'm always so mean to him.

I always say how I hate him.
I wish I could say what I really feel.

Like how his eyes are such a pretty color.
And I think it's adorable when his hair is in disarray.
That I love the sound of his laugh.
That I don't understand why he's so nice to me
Or why he even puts up with me at all.
That I play Frank Turner over and over again because it reminds me of him
That I was upset to lose his ring because it made me feel better.
That I love the uglydoll because he bought it for me.

I guess I'm just scared that he doesn't really feel the same
That he'll just break my heart.
That he's just telling me sweet lies.
I'm scared of feeling what I feel.
I don't know what to do.

Confessions.

Confession #1: I really do think that Cthulhu plushie you let me borrow is adorable. Even though the rest of my family thinks it isn't.
Confession #2: I hit you a lot because you say your ok with it. And I'm stressed out alot.
Confession #3: The ring you gave me is on my finger right now. It's far too big for any of my fingers, but I'm afraid if I take it off, I'll lose it.
Confession #4: I play with the ring on my hand alot. It reminds me of you.
Confession #5: Sometimes I'll be sitting by myself and it feels empty because your not there too.
Confession #6: When you were texting me and then stopped, I shrugged it off. When you texted me back an hour later, saying you'd fallen asleep mid text, I laughed. It's ok. I didn't care.
Confession #7: I feel bad for making you walk back with me everyday.
Confession #8: But it makes me happy that your willing to do so.
Confession #9: Sometimes when I say I hate you, I'm scared you'll take me seriously.
Confession #10: Because I really don't. You're like my best friend.
Confession #11: I talked alot about you to my family. I couldn't help it. I hang out with you all the time.
Confession #12: I only went back so I could say bye to you again.
Confession #13: I want to believe what everyone says. That you really do like me.
Confession #14: But I don't know how to trust things like that anymore.
Confession #15: I honestly can't believe you would though.
Confession #16: Even if you spelled it out to me. I might just run away.
Confession #17: I'm scared.
Confession #18: Because I really do care about you.
Confession #19: Because when I say 'I hate you' or 'I don't like you', it's not true.
Confession #20: It's not true at all.

Again I'm going to run away.
I'm sorry.

Usually I can pretend. I can pretend I don't know anything. I can remain blissfully oblivious. I can wipe out my suspicions of any romantic connections.

Times like this, it gets to be too much.
I don't know how to feel. I'm scared. I'm running away. Again.

I need time. I need time to think. I need to get away from you.
Maybe I'll figure it out then.
Or you'll get tired of me and go away.

Yes. Go away.
I can't deal with this anymore. I'm broken

lalalala

Here I am on this brand new journey, off to do amazing things with what I have.

And then I met you.

And now I don't know what to do. I'm scared of feeling.

I want to know you better. And that will be my undoing.

If I push you away, I'm sorry. I do this everytime.

You seem so nice. I'd be a shame to hurt you too.

If I run, don't follow. It's for your own good.

I run everytime.

I don't want that feeling ever again.

I swear that you don't have to go

(haha, I kind of gave up on the... the 30 day thing. I'm too damn lazy).

Usually, I'm always in a good mood nowadays. Today, well, it just wasn't one of those days. Maybe it was my brother bitching about his wisdom teeth, maybe it was seeing my piano teacher again when I really didn't want to, I dunno.

You know what pisses me off? When I think about love. When I think about love and how maybe someday it mihgt pertain to me. Sure, I joke with my family about marriage, but when I get down to it, I don't think I want it.

I don't really want to love someone. I don't want to ever be in love. Irrational, stupid as that sounds. Love makes you do things. To love someone, to be IN love with someone, I have to trust them. I have to tell them things. Things I don't tell my family, things I don't tell my friends, things I don't tell anyone. Things I don't like to talk about.

I don't want to tell anyone about these things.

While everyone else has this fear that they'll be alone for the rest of their lives, I'm the polar opposite. I don't want to fall in love. They can have any I find. I don't even know why I just can't talk anymore. I used to tell anyone, everyone, about was going on in my head. What was really bothering me. I think it was last year. Other people had problems. Maybe I didn't tell her, because I didn't want to talk about it.

Maybe, I dunno, I don't care how much I love you as a friend, I just don't like saying my problems out loud. What really bothers me. I don't even know why anymore. Maybe it was even earlier. Maybe it started with him. Him.

I can't even talk about him anymore. I have no idea how many people know about him. I barely knew him. I don't even remember what he looked like, what his face was. But I remember other things. Other faces, other emotions, other things all pertaining to him.

I think it was him. Maybe with his help, I've become this.

Your ridiculous if you think I'm talking about some romantic notion. This is much more scarring than any.

I hate it when people think when I talk about broken hearts, they it's love. What if it was death.

I wish I could of had my license. I never wanted to change the past. But if I could, I'd drive to his house before. He wouldn't do it. Wouldn't. Couldn't. I wish I could tell him how much he is loved, what life would be like without him. I wish I could cut that rope. I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish.


Wishing only wounds the heart.

Day 2 — Your Crush

Dear "Crush",

All human beings need love. Even if they think they don't. They want someone to care for them, to so them compassion.

This entry is because, at the moment I don't have a crush. I've never been in love. But I love alot of people. This is for the people who don't think they're beautiful, who don't think anyone loves you.

You are loved. And you are beautiful. We are strong everyday we choose to live, to make what we can of what life gives us. Love with all you can, live with eyes wide open. There's too much to live for in this world.

Someday, maybe I'll fall in love. And I promise you, whoever you may be, I will love you with all I am. When I find you, you'll have my heart.

But until then.

Day 1: Your Best Friend

Well, I found one thing on tumblr that I really wanted to do, but found that I felt they were too personal to do there so... here I'll do them here instead. It's 30 letters to people, over the course of 30 days. Lets go!

Dear best friend,

Well... I don't know really who consider my best friend. I used to know. Now, I know we're going in seperate directions, but well... I dunno. But you've been my best friend for the longest time so, I guess this letter is to you.

Most people have epic stories about how they met their best friend. Like they knew each other since kindergarden / preschool / other weird stuff like that. But honestly...? I don't quite remember. I just remember 3rd grade you moved over here, and then we became friends. And we've been friends ever since.

We've been through SO much, I don't even know where to begin. Elementary school thru middle thru high school, and now onto bigger things. We're going to different schools, and have changed so much through the past years, yet we're still friends. I don't really understand how or why, I'm just glad I have someone who I've known through thick and thin.

As a person, I like to think I know you pretty well. Your much more girly than me, and is habitually late for everything, almost always extremely hyper, and knows everything that's going on with people. Your an amazing person, and the more people should be able to see it.

I know we've grown apart. It's mainly my problem, I think I'm the one who's changed the most out of both of us... out of alot of people during senior year. Also, we're going down different paths in life. You're going to stay here and go to college, working on a path that's extremely challenging. I'm going relatively far away to go into new frontier and become something I'm not even sure of.

I just know, no matter where I go, I know I've been your good friend since way too long, and all the memories that carry me into the future with you, almost always put a smile on my face. Your the only person who I can really tell what's bothering me, if I tell anyone at all. Thanks for making my life awesome. I hope we continue doing so. :).

I wish I could write more, but there's just so much. I could relay all the memories, but that would take DAYS. You know what they are, haha. I luffle you. x3

<3 Hoshi.

Sweet home alabama

So yeah, I'm posting less and less as you've noticed. This is prolly going to be a developing trend. Since I've made a tumblr. But yeah, the tumblr is just for people I actually want to read. This is just to talk about random things, where I don't have to worry about what people I know irl really think since well. Few of them know this exists, haha.

So started taking a Chinese class. It's... interesting. I'm kinda bad, but I like to think I'm the middle of our class in wellness of speaking ability, haha. :). Also my cousin's weekend was this saturday. It was pretty cool. Relatively good food, and a hilarious best man, haha. x3

Eh, I don't really know what else to talk about. Maybe when something big actually happens. :0

Rants about Pokemon couples and Jane Austen. Whut.

Haha. Well, where do I start? Well I think I've found my cosplay for the convention this summer, since I don't have ANY time for Sebastian. I'm gonna try and do Kotone / Lyra from HeartGold and SoulSilver of pokemon. ^^. I'm actually really excited to do this cosplay. Hopefully it works out. :D.

Also, I would like to report one of my new favorite pairings: Soulsilvershipping. AKA Kotone x Rival. Which I discovered by looking up Kotone on google, haha. :P Yeah you heard right: The douchebag red head. I have no idea why really. I think it's all the fanart and fanfiction which has had me convinced, haha. I mean... I never realized how many Yaoi pairings there are in pokemon. I don't... really ship pokemon. Because well I don't read the manga, but anime wise... Ash and Misty are hilarious. Other than that, I don't ship anything. So it's kind of weird when people ship Red and Blue (Ash / Gary... kind of). I'm just like LOLNO MISTY FUUUUUUUUUU. Yaoi in pokemone in general weirds me out. I'm not a prude or anything, but... well I just don't like it.

MOVING ALONG.

Watched Mansfield Park with my dad today. And... I was pretty underwhelmed. Definetly nowhere as good as Persuasion. I liked Fanny, but I felt like... well the pairings weren't really that intersting. I felt Edmund was more of a brotherly figure than her love interest, and Crawford she just didn't particularly care for. It wasn't really a satisfying ending. Whatever. I probably won't watch it again :P

Airplanes.

So I went to $1 Jamba Juice with Dobby Tsui~. Lots of fun, haha. Saw Onii Chan as well. His hair looks like a Kurosawa Samurai hero. :0

Nothing really else to comment on. I'm in a really mellow mood right now, haha. so enjoy this survey.

This is going to be a deep survey. Are you ready?
BRING IT FOO.

Have you ever had to choose between two people? If so, how hard was it?
Mmm. I guess so. Of course it was hard. It wouldn’t really be a choice if it wasn’t.

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you've told everything to?
Well pretty much everything at the time.

Have you ever lost a friend(s)? How?
Yes I have. How? Well I changed, or they changed, or things happen.

Do you honestly have any regrets?
Mmmm. Sometimes. It’s relative on how I feel at the time.

Have you met anybody that changed your life?
Of course. I’ve met plenty.

Missing anybody?
Not consciously.

Are you in any kind of emotional pain right now?
Nope.

Do you believe in marriage? Do you plan on getting married someday?
Yes I do.But we’ll see how things work out.

Which is harder: walking away from somebody you love or coming back to somebody who has hurt you?
Walking away I think.

Has your heart ever truly ached for somebody?
Sadly.

Ever cried while on the phone with someone?
Yes.

What was the last horror movie you watched? With who?
Erm. Probably Eight Legged Freaks at a friend’s Halloween party. I don’t… really like horror movies. But Eight Legged Freaks is not a horror movie. It’s a comedy trying to be scary. Which fails

Do you take walks often?
All the time.

I bet you're talking to someone right now, aren't you?
Nope.

Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with the guy/girl you like?
Err… well it depends. Considering the fact I don’t really like anyone now, they’d be sleeping with nobody, but if the fact arose, it really depends on the situation.

Do any girls/guys hate you because you went out with their ex?
Maybe. Not that their opinion of me matters to me anymore.

Do you think "I love you" are strong words?
Mmm. I’d say yes.

Are you nice to everyone?
No.

Ever receive a really long apology?
Not that I recall.

Does a kiss make you feel better?
I’d say no.
Is anything bugging you right now?
Just anxiety over college.
Do you think you could live without your cell phone?
Sure.

Would you date someone that none of your friends like?
Hmm. I don’t know. I usually like guys who are my friends first, so… don’t know how that would work.

Who was the last girl to say something to you?
My mommm.

Ready for winter to come?
I’m always ready for anything.

What's the greatest thing that happened to you today?
Seeing Onii Chan after so long. :3

What was the last thing you spent money on?
$1 smoothie at Jamba Juice. It was glorious.

How are you feeling at this exact moment in time?
Neutral.

What are you doing tomorrow?
Hanging with Dobby Tsui & Piano Theory.

Are you easy to get along with?
Hmm. Depends.

Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex?
Sort of.

Who was the last person you talked to on IM?
Boots. 

Which is hotter, a british accent or an irish accent?
I LOVE BOTH TOO MUCH. DON’T MAKE ME CHOOSE, DAMN YOU.

Do you think things will change in the next few months?
Probably.

Do you have a best friend?
I’d like to think so.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
No.

Is there anyone that you're mad at right now?
No.

Who was the last person to make you smile?
Cracked. Com? :P

Is there something you want to say to someone but can't/won't?
Always.

How late did you stay up last night?
5:30. Yay grad night.

Has anyone ever told you they love you?
Mmm. In a romantic way? Not that I recall.

Is there a girl that you would do absolutely everything for?
Hmm.

Who do you sit by/talk to in your fourth period?
NO CLASSES FWAHAHAHAHAHA.

Is confidence cute?
Er. I dunno.

Do you like dark or light jeans better?
Dark.

Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Dobby Tsui.

Are you wasting your time on someone?
Not anymore.

Have you ever kissed an ex after breaking up?
This actually repulses me. Not for the reason you think, but just know that it does.

Who started your last kiss, you or them?
No one, man.

Are you still friends with the last person who broke your trust?
Hmm. I dunno.

Would you walk into Walmart naked for $10,000?
No.

Do you hate it when people try to play with your hair?
It’s usually fine.

Is love really worth fighting for?
Always.

Do you have any plans for the weekend?
Piano recital, then it’s my cousin’s wedding.

Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone?
No.

Think back to May, who did you like?
Hmm. I think I liked him by then.

Do you find it in your heart to forgive?
Yes.

Do you act differently around someone you like?
I don’t know. Supposedly I do. Enough to make it obvious.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Mmm.

Do you hate the last person you kissed?
Technically, this would be nobody, so no. I don’t not hate nobody.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
Never..

What is your mom saved as in your phone?
Mom.

Are you liking how you look today?
I really don’t care.

Do you have anyone crushing on you?
How would I know?

Do you believe guys mean what they say?
Hmm. Maybe.

Explain your current mood?
This question has already been asked.

Do you have any friends that live a half an hour away?
More so.

Do you talk to people you can't stand?
Hmm.

Do you wish on 11:11?
Not really.

Have you ever kissed someone within an hour of meeting them?
Err. No.

Do you agree with the new driving laws for teenagers?
Whatever, I don’t remember them.

What is your favourite thing to do on a summer day?
Have fun.

Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
Nah.

Do you believe in love?
Forever.

What are you doing tonight?
Sleeping?.

Who was the first person you talked to today?
My brother.

Do you like meeting new people?
It’s inevitable. So why not?

Do you give out second chances too easily?
Mmm.

Are you good at giving advice?
I don’t think I am.

When you're being kissed do you like it when they hold your face?
Err.

How was your weekend?
Pretty cool! :3

Honestly, have you done something bad today?
Nah.

Honestly, are you keeping a big secret right now?
Everyone keeps secrets. They’re not big unless you make them so.

Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?
More than likely.

My summer in a nutshell?

Had lots of fun this weekend. Went to visit the college and to visit my dad's friends with the family. I really like my college town, haha. It's really cool. I'm now super excited to be going to college. :3. I've got awhile though so.. haha.

And I definetly didn't just realize Toy Story 3 comes out this weekend. Which I'm UBER EXCITED FOR. But I'm freggin busy this weekend. Fawk. Really want to see it, but I guess I'll have to wait D:.

Now a list of TV series I should watch this summer.

-Merlin: I'm not going to lie, Merlin looks like Spock. :P. Haha, but I've heard it's pretty good so...
-Doctor Who: Just the one with the 10th doctor in it. haha. Because as a nerd I should be ashamed of the fact I have never seen a doctor who episode. (Well no. I should probably start with the first episode with Rose in it. So complicated.... ><)
- Firefly:... Also a series I should watch but never got around to. Don't kill me. (this includes the movie, Serenity)
- Cowboy Bebop: I STARTED THIS BUT I NEVER FINISHED. Which I really need to do. Fuuuuu.
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer: This series is... insanely long. I may never get aroun to finishing it this summer. But I will at least watch one episode. Because I remember watched the last episode when it aired. And that's it. Shame on me
- Angel: Because this series goes hand in hand with Buffy, man.
- Hellsing: I've heard too much about it to ignore it any longer. I need to try at least 1 episode. Dx
-Full Metal Panic!: Because BY GOD I need some comic relief on this list. (Fumoffu is also on this list.)

Not really sure what order I'll go it. I'll probably start with Cowboy Bebop since I'm the farthest along in that one. Then Firefly since it's the shortest. Then there I go on a rambling adventure into nerdiness. HOORAY :)

& always

WTF WTF WTF FMA IS DONE. What. The Fuuuuuuuuuu. I don't know what to think. Gaaaaah. IT'S DONE. THE END WAS INCREDIBLY CHEESY, BUT IT'S DONE. SO MUCH OF MY LIFE, GONE WITH IT. FUUUUUUUUUUUU.

So yeah, also watched the Syfy mini series Alice. It's really interesting. But the end... the end makes it HILARIOUS AND AWESOME. I can't even begin to describe the joy it gave me... Without spoiling it though, that's impossible, haha. :D. I really recommend it if you like crazy adventures, and happy endings. Well more like ends that are incredibly satisfying. It's not all happy. :D

So yeah, I had this idea for a story scene in my head for the past day or so... I'll just write it now, haha.

"What's your problem? Usually you're not this complacent and overall no fun to talk to." Adeline

joked. Her partner didn't seem to be amused. "No seriously, what's up? Was it something I said?" Hatter was still quiet, emotions bubbling in his heart. "Adeline. Quiet."

"Ok, now I KNOW something's up. You never call me Adeline. Or even Aline." She was still joking around, much to the Hatter's growing chagrin. "We've already been through this much, you can't trust me with what's bothering you?"

Hatter finally snapped "Fine. FINE." He stepped closer to companion. "What's my damn problem? My goddamn problem is that I'm in love with you. Are you happy?"

That shut up Adeline up. Definetly not the response she was expecting. He continued: "My damn problem is I'm head over fucking heels in love with you, and no matter what I do, I just keep falling harder and harder. I know I'd run across the whole damn world for you, Swim any damn ocean, any other cliche shit you can think of.

"My problem is that I'm so in love with you, but I know it's not the same for you. I know I'm just Hatter to you. Even though I care so much, even though I'd do anything to protect you, I know I'm not going to get anything back. That's my fucking problem, ok? Please... just..."

And Adeline punched him in the face. "You FUCKING MORON." He staggered back, obviously shocked.

"How the FUCK can you pretend to know my feelings? How the FUCK do you know how I feel about you? Yes. You are just Hatter to me. Hatter. The same damn Hatter who helped me get through this messed up world, who fought by my side, who listens, who makes me smile and laugh...

"And who for some fucking reason can't fathom that I might love him back. Even though I can think of so many reasons why he shouldn't, but he does. Stupid fucking Hatter." She gritted her teeth. "I HOPE THAT LEAVES A BRUISE, YOU JERK."

Silence took over the two. Until Hatter starting laughing. "... What." Adeline made an angry face as her companion got up. "I should've known better. Let me try this again."

"Adeline, I love you. Be mine?" A smile slowly crept onto her face. Hugging him, she replied "As long as you'll have me."

(random fluff, yayyyy)

Fin.

And so it ends.

Graduation was incredibly boring. Not going to lie, I didn't really care for the ceremony. Afterwards and during, it just felt like another day. Took pictures with all my friends and stuff, Went to eat with the family, then napped before Grad night.

Grad night was a BLAST. I've never stayed up that late, haha. I actually wasn't that tired though. There was just SO MUCH to do. The blow up obstacle course, the virtual roller coaster, carnival games, dancing. other games, food, photobooth, caricatures... It was pretty darn cool. :). Also some hypnosis person, haha. "Her voice sounds like death." HAHA. Then I went home and slept. For a long while. >:3.

Also watched the Glee finale. It was... DEPRESSING. I won't spoil it but... I was sad by the end. I don't care if it gets redeemed. But yeah, the Journey covers? They were beautiful, haha. I really like Journey, I really want to get their CD. :)

So yeah. High school comes to an end. Honestly, I don't think it's really hit me. I feel like I just started my senior year in high school still. But looking back at the years, I know I've changed so much. While other felt like they hadn't changed at all, now I know I've changed alot. I used to detest myself, but now... I think I'm fine with myself, the way I am. :). I guess... Life just doesn't really get me down anymore. Maybe it's because I know things could always be worse, so there's no point in getting super uber worried and worked up. I dunno how to really explain it, haha.

The people I've met throughout my life.. whether they be friends or anti... friends. (HAHAHAHA Wow I'm weird), they've all impacted me in some way, and brought me to this moment. Thank you all.

It's time to turn the page and start a new chapter in life. Time goes on, and I must go on with it.

One last day.

Man today was really funnn. :).

Woke up late and played Final Fantasy 13 until I had to leave for the picnic. Went and hung out for a couple hours. Played in the park, (Felicia and I were failing at monkey bars. We're too heavy to do them now, fuuuu). Saw our 8th grade teacher again and got our letters from our 8th grade selves (Oh god, I wrote about maple story in mine. Kill me now, haha). It's nice to know I've changed since 8th grade haha. (For one thing, I wanted to move to Canada. Which I definetly don't remember. AT ALL). And just hung out really afterwards. We bought ice cream from the ice cream man (IT WAS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD) and told random stories about our lives.

Then I went to Christine's graduation party. There was Jake's delicious Nutella cake. (I swear, his cakes are always way to dang delicious. It is practically criminal). And then we just kinda hung around. They started talking about Chinese Names and I was like FUUUUUUUUUUUUU. Haha, Fail on my part. I parked soooo far away from her house since I didn't know where it was. Uber fail more. plz.

... I'm sad I'm going to be missing Glee tomorrow for Graduation. D:. Dangitttt. Oh well. I'll have my family tape it. :).

I was going to have some really deep post about graduation and life, but well. I decided against it. I feel like the icon for this post speaks for itself. :D

I love disneyland & my friends

DISNEYLAND WAS BUNCHES OF FUN. <3. Went with Felicia, Fishie, Mijo, Zach, Kevin & Tiffany. Woke up early to get there. I was playing Chocobo tales / Kirby game on the way up, and we got there at a good time. We got on ALL the fast pass rides / the popular rides. We were EXTREMELY lucky man. We got on all the rides with minimal wait. I think our longest wait was Peter Pan's Flight. Which me and Mijo totally waited and had people cut us so we could get one with a blue sail. (Don't be hating).

We also went on Thunder Mountain with like NO WAIT. Because it had been closed up and we happened to walk by. It was totally awesome. :). Space Mountain was open (FOR ONCE) and we went on that one too. :D. SOOOO much fun man. But it was kinda nauseating. Also on the PotC ride, Some girls found out it was Kevin's birthday, and they sang him happy birthday. And then they were being annoying on the entire ride. I couldn't stop laughing. They were very offended it seemed, but I wasn't laughing at them. I was laughing at Kevin because he was so embarassed. XD. For lunch we had TTLY TOO EXPENSIVE PIZZA OTL.

After we'd done the rides, we wandered around the main street. Haha, for the restarant, everything cost so much (14 dollars for a chicken plate? FUUUUU) So we split it up, 2 people per plate. What followed was one of the most hilarious conversations ever. Which include dessert jam (Aka, being so poor, you steal the free jam from them and eat it for dessert), and how we were happy when the other couldn't finish it so their partner could the rest, HAHA. Gosh, just thinking about it makes me laugh so hard. Loveeee my friends.

We took some pictures with Mickey and then went out to watch the fireworks for a bit. We missed part of it as we were on the tram (DARN THE HUGE HEDGES, FUUUUUUUU), but we saw the finale, which was awesome. Afterwards, I fell asleep on the way back, haha.

All in all, I will never forget how super awesome Saturday it was. I loveeee my friends. :).

Man, I love my new profile music. It makes me feel so chill. Even though This Afternoon is such a stoner song. And I definetly don't do drugs so... >>;. Oh well, it's so chill I like it for my summer playlist, haha. :)

Disneyland, I love ya man, Thanks for making my weekend so damn cool. :)

Life is life

So yesterday and today have been pretty funnn. For most the time, I got mostly signatures for my yearbook. WHAP we watched My Sassy Girl (One of the best romantic comedies I've EVER seen. >:3). And then the swim banquet was loads of funnnn :3. We got a lot of signed stuff. And as seniors, we got cupcakes, poster, flowers, candy AND A TOWEL WITH MY NAME ON IT. So excitedddd x3. Most definetly bringing to college with pride, haha C:. I love my swim team. It was loads of fun. I'm really going to miss them when I go off. D:

Today was the breakfast. The food was mediocre, but I went around and got most of the signatures I missed, and made my tile. As well as got to hang out with some underclassmen friends while we waited for it to start up, haha. So yeah, pretty cool couple of days. Hanging out more with my friends tomorrow~. So excitedddd :)

Maybe I'll write more later, going to go play some FF13

ROMA RO MA MA

Too lazy to find an appropriate icon. Just here:

MY HIGH SCHOOL YEARS BOLDING
[redsummersurveys]

FRESHMAN YEAR:
I was looking forward to this year
^ It ended up being a really boring year
I started wearing make-up
I stayed single the entire year
My grades were alright
I was way too worried about my appearance
I didn't have a lot of friends at school
I ate Chipotle for the first time
My awkward phase just ended during this year
I took the first level of a foreign language class

SOPHOMORE YEAR:
This was my least favorite year of high school
I was depressed for the majority of the year
I got my learner's permit
I dated two guys
^ One of which was my friend's ex
My grades were bad
I completely stopped caring about everything
I skipped school for the first time
I attended a Sweet 16 party
I drank beer for the first time

JUNIOR YEAR:
This was my best year in high school
My grades were good
I had a boyfriend for the entire year
My favorite class was English (kinda)
There was one bitch who I couldn't stand
^ But other than that I really didn't have a problem with anyone
I began to see the good in everyone
I became a lot happier with myself as a person
I got my driver's license
I became friends with someone who I thought hated me

SENIOR YEAR:
This year was filled with way too much drama
There was record-breaking snowfall during the winter
I made a new best friend
I liked someone who I never expected to like
I became closer to a lot of people who I wasn't as close to
I changed a lot during this year
I decided where I am going to go to college
I was so happy to be done with high school
I'm kind of scared for the next chapter of my life
^ But excited at the same time!

Wow, pretty atypical til Senior year, haha. :P

Vampglee.

So. I have a love hate relationship with the author Richelle Mead. She writes the Vampire Academy series. Now before you sigh and think less of me, It is a rather decent Vampire series. Actually one of my favorite series. I will not shy away from this fact. Because the characters don't SUCK. And the plot is gripping. And the fights are quite well written. And I just love imagining what I would do in those situations if I was one of them. Because it's so. Much. FUN. >:D

But DEAR LORD, I hate the cliff hangers she always ends on. I don't want to spoil it, but GOSH. IT'S TERRIBLE. The last book of the series comes out this December. I don't think I can wait that long. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah. D:

So yeah. Nother day of No pants week. Got our yearbooks. Not really sure what else to say. I'm just going to watch some awkward Glee.

FUUUUU CHARACTERS. D:

Spent my memorial day hiking & playing Final Fantasy 13. And I gotta say, it's not terribly hard at the moment, but I am taking my sweet time with it, haha. For one thing, it is an absolutely GOREGEOUS game for starters. Really, I just like to sit there in awe sometimes. The music is pretty nice too. :).

But the characters. I remember one review saying that Vanille was so annoying, that she is a fatal flaw in the game.

I believe they are mistaken. Hope and Snow are FAR more annoying. Snow won't FUCKING SHUT UP about Serrah. I know she's your fiancee, but it's COMPLETELY nauseauting. Shut up before I punch you. And Hope, I know you're only a kid and you're mom just died. I can only sympathize with you for so long. Look, MAN THE FUCK UP. Why don't you freaking tell Snow off if you hate him so much for gods's sake?? You're almost completely useless as your always moping and never willing to man up. Look at the fucking situation your in. GROW SOME OR DIE. I WISH YOU'D DIE SOMETIMES.

... On that note, I'm not that far in the game, maybe they get better. But right now I want to punch them. :D

sherlock holmes plz

No icon today. I'm not on my own computer, so not going to use one. :). I'm up at my grandma's house for the memorial day weekend. All I've really done is read about 200 or more pages of Anna Karenina (more than I have in like. the past 3 months.) since I NEED to finish the book over the weekend. That and I watched Sherlock holmes with my cousin.

It was a very enjoyable movie if I do say so myself. Robert Downey Jr. makes the entire movie. He reinvents Holmes into something very incredible and is probably the most intriguing as well as the most fun character I've seen on film in a very long time. Although, I did find the relationship between Watson and Holmes very lacking. Sure, it was there, but I feel like it should have been either developed alot more. They should learn more about a bromance through watching Kal ho naa ho's Aman and Rohit, HAHA. (no seriously) Adler was an interesting character. Many have talked how Holmes is supposedly asexual, but I feel like their relationship is a bit more ambiguous. I think he likes her more than others, like he does with Watson, as she's almost as smart as he is. He's intrigued by her more or less. Although yeah, it is kind of blatant how they try to make in a romantic attraction on both sides, but I like pretending that it's not so, haha.

The story was very interesting. I really enjoyed how Holmes tied it all together in the end, :).

Well, I'm getting tired. Probably gonna turn in early today. Tata darlings.

We have love.

We live in a world
so heartbreakingly beautiful & tragic.
We have death
famine, poverty,
pain, sadness.
But we also have love,
we have the ocean on sunny days
(Love)
and sunsets and sunrise to die for
(Love)
Bubbles and long grass
(Love)
There is alot in this world
to be ashamed of.
But there's alot in this world
To love. Sometimes
I think we all forget how
to remember that there is good.
There are beautiful people
And there are the ugly ones.
Don't turn the blinders on
because all you see is the ugliness.
In there own ways, we're all
beautiful, and loving.
At least
I want to think that.
Love and acceptance
is what we really need.

I could really use a wish right now~

Hun, you go far enough into the country, you don't need no airplanes to wish on. You have plenty out there to wish on. :). Haha, listening to Airplanes by B.o.B. It's only decent, what really sells it is Hayley Williams singing part of it. B.o.B. isn't that spectacular of rapper. But I'll listen to it. He's better than Jason DeRulo.
Haha, watched this REALLY stupid Scooby Doo episode. About Japan. Yeah, it was a little painful how misconceived they were about Japan's culture and all. But there were two lines that made it awesome. Both from Fred. "Jinkies!" "Jeepers!" "...I STILL don't have a catchphrase" and "NINJA ROBOTS? DOUBLE COOL! Uh... sorry. Geeked out there for a sec." Haha. Rest was mediocre. At times it was pretty cool, other's it was weird. Oh. and Daphne = Azula. Weird. :X

BTW Rang De Basanti was TERRIBLY depressing, with a TERRIBLY moving ending. I loved it. Good movie. :)

You are the greatest thing about me.

Rang de Basanti is TERRIBLY DEPRESSING. It's a good movie, but it's so damn depressing after it's terrible tone shift. Like every bollywood movie. Except for Lagaan. fffttt.

Man, What to do with this free time. :

I'm just going to post some "givesmehope" because... well damn they're so touching. Maybe even son "lovegivesmehope"

I saw an old Catholic priest being helped up the church steps by a young man.
At the top he turned to the young man and said "God bless you." The young man smiled nervously and said "I'm Muslim."
The priest smiled back and said "Allah bless you then."
Their religious tolerance GMH.

This morning my car was being serviced, so I had to catch a bus to the city.
I'm heavily pregnant. It was pretty full, and there were no spare seats.
Everyone avoided my eyes and ignored me, but one boy stood up and offered his seat to me, without even thinking.
He couldn't have been any older than 9 years old. His respect GMH.

My grandma died a week ago, and we were driving behind the funeral cars.
Very little people stopped to let us go, even though we had funeral flags and everything.
A whole construction team took off their hats, let us by, and stopped working. Their respect GMH.

My dad saw a homeless man digging through the trash.
He offered to buy the man food. Once he had the food he thanked my dad and turned to leave. Dad said to eat with him. He almost cried.
They ate & talked, and he tried to give my dad the only thing he had: a Beatles record.
My dad and that man GMH

My 8 year old friend, who has had brain cancer for over 2 years, had surgery for a port the other day (for chemo treatment)
I asked her if she was scared. Her only response, "Am I going to be able to swim?"
The whole ER laughed, including the surgeon. Her positive personality and courage GMH.

There is a seventh grade girl at my school who has an extremely strict mother.
Emmy's mom doesn't let her go out to recess, go on field trips, eat lunch in the cafeteria or hang out with friends on the weekend.
Today I learned that the boy in 8th grade who has Asperger's has stayed with her, inside, for every lunch and recess.
Their friendship GMH

A friend of mine ran out randomly into a parking lot and almost got hit by a car. Twice.
He was chasing a balloon and we couldn't figure out why... until we saw him return the purple balloon to a two-year-old crying girl, who he never met before - just because.
GMH.

Today, my girlfriend's teacher told her that she had to keep her opinions to herself because she is a lesbian.
A boy in the front of her class - a stranger - stood up and told the teacher he was protesting HER opinion. He walked out.
EVERYONE followed.
Their willing love and acceptance for her GMH.

My mom is severely ill with ALS and my grandma's kidney's are failing.
We didn't have any money to pay the nurses taking care of my mom. My girlfriend works 8 hrs/day after school and used all her savings but $120 to pay the nurses and doctor's copayments for my grandma.
The $120 is for our last senior Prom.
Her generosity and love GMH.

(From MLIA) Last night for homework, our class was assigned to write a report on our "dream person." Today in class we were peer editing each others papers. My crush and I always partner up, and so we peer edited each others.
When I looked at his paper, it only had a single word on it:
"You."
(^This one is my absolute favorite.)

For my English class we presented things we couldn't live without.
I showed a locket my first and current girlfriend gave to me for Christmas - revealing to a class of nearly 60 students that I was gay.
I was abandoned by my "best friends" but a class of complete strangers congratulated me.
Acceptance GMH.

Go to www.givesmehope.com and read more. Seriously, you won't regret it.

PROMNOMNOM?

REALLY BUSY WEEKEND. haha. I guess I'll start talking about it now, haha.

Friday: LAST DAY OF PRACTICE EVER. It was alot of fun, since we really didn't do anything, haha. x3. Then we had the parents bring out pastas. There was a REALLY GOOD lasagna that one of the parents mom's made. There most definetly wasn't enough for all the swimmers there, haha.

Saturday: HUGE SWIM MEET, haha. Carpooled with Sarah, Rachel, Jaromy and Jonhu. It was pretty ok, I only had to swin a 50, lol. It was also Jaromy's birthday, so we sang to him and everything. :). We cheered, and we swam the 200 free relay. I dropped time! :D. Haha, overall it was alot of fun. And really sad as the last meet with those guys. :(. Then promnomnom. It was alot of fun too. Good food, good friends, good fun. Slept over at a friends house afterwards, hahaha.

Sunday: Woke up, ate breakfast at home and worked on the speech for the rest of the day. FUUUUUUUU. but it's ok. I had it today, and I only needed to prompted once! :). Stupid memorized speech. But now I'm pretty much set for the rest of the year! Hoorayyy.

And in art we're doing an huge art project of found objects with all of the 3-4 students. AWESOMEEEE.

Life is good.

Bollywood, I love you.

KAL NO NAA HO IS AN AMAZINGGGG BOLLYWOOF FILM. I love it. Even though it can be extremely emotionally manipulative, and some of the character's logic is stupid beyond all reason, the movie is HILARIOUS. And it's also really cute. Honestly though, I feel that Naina and Aman's relationship is a bit contrived. I really didn't feel it that much. While the one with Naina and Rohit? That was adorkable. Rohit is so awkward, and Naina is just so... well they work good together. I mean I can see that Aman and Naina could be in love, but in all honesty, I found Aman a tad creepy. I do understand how she could come to love him, due to him opening up her heart. But what about Aman? I didn't really understand why he cared so much for her, when he'd never cared so much for other ones.

But the strongest relationship in the movie? Rohit and Aman. As friends, as rivals, just as people. They were HILARIOUS together, and were very great at being friends throughout the entire movie. It's really hard to explain, but I felt more connected to Rohit and Aman's relationship by the end than Aman and Naina or Rohit and Naina. I mean, after Naina and Rohit find out about Aman's condition, Aman runs to ROHIT'S house. And then the very last scene with Aman, Rohit is the last to talk to him.

ANYWAYS BIG SWIM MEET TOMORROW. GOTTA WAKE UP SO EARLY IT HURTS. OBAI.

Haha, this was fun

What I'm about to write is completely random, but I love it. :)

THE FOLLOWING IS A (fictional) CONVERSATION BETWEEN LENORE AND CERBERUS OVER FACEBOOK WALL. Bold is Cerberus, Italics are Lenore.

So I'm going to do what you hate the most and proclaim my love for you over facebook.
You're cruising for a brusin, dear. :D
Like you'd be able to hit me hard enough for me to bruise.
Try me. Besides, you live next door to me, wouldn't it be more effective to just scream your love for me THAT way? e___e
Hmm perhaps you're right.
... FUCK YOU. YOU KNEW THAT WAS SARCASM. YOU, AS THE KING OF SARCASM, KNOWS THIS.
Sarcasm doesn't translate well over the internet
The neighbors already think we're crackpots. That most definetly DID NOT help.
Oh hush. Or I'll be forced to pull out fluffy pick up lines.
You wouldn't dare. I'll break up with you and start dating Leo.
And you wouldn't do that. Even just to spite me.
True. Leo is far more annoying than you'll ever be.

Aw thanks. You're so sweet.
I KNOW THAT'S SARCASM, BUT I WILL TREAT IT AS A COMPLIMENT. :)
Why is this conversation even going on? We live right next to each other.
All because you felt the need to declare your love for me over the internet. :D
Do you want me to do it again? Fine, I LOVE LENORE ROMILLY.
I LOVE... CAKE.
You and your obscure TV show references.

It's why I'm so charming. ;D
Quite. You're lucky I know what your talkin about.
If it makes you feel better, you are second in line after cake.
That's ok. I love cake better than you too.
CAKE LOVES ME MORE.
I'm sure I love you more than cake loves you.
PROVE IT.
If I eat the cake, it can't love you anymore.

That's bullshit. It will go to the cake underworld and still love me.
What should I do to prove I love you more than cake then?
... Bring me cake? :D
Only if you provide the house to eat it in.
As always.
I'll be getting chocolate ice cream cake then.
Dammit you know me too well. You care about me too much.
I just pay attenttion. And I'm not as dense as a brick wall.
pft, you're bringing cake, so I'll forgive you for now. Btw, I love you. Just in case it didn't get through.
I know
Does this make you the Han Solo to my Leia?
No. You're much better than Leia.

I hate gov. :)

YES I FINISHED MY GOV PROJECT. Well one of them anyways. Oh god it's only been one. I have two more. Fuck my life. Or actually no. I hate my gov teacher. Life is awesome. Went climbing with my WHAP class today, haha. I'm such a wuss and couldn't go that far up and all, but it was pretty ok. I'm kind of uncomfortable with heights, so it's all good that I could do what I could. :). And I got this cupcake. And on it was a carebear ring. I'm wearing it right now. I'm SO BADDASS. 8D

Haha, Climbing also provided plenty of awkward photo shoots. 8). I enjoyed the awkwardness of every photo <3. Teeheehee.

... Gah, only 9 seats left in the Chinese class. I hope they don't go away, fuu. D:. And Christine NEEDS TO POST THE NEW PICTURES ON FB, FUFUFUFUFUFUFU.

I don't know what I was going to talk about. I was going to have a totally serious convo, but yeah I don't feel like it anymore. FML. I guess it's just what I wanted to talk about... well I don't really think about it anymore. I'm kinda just chilling with life and having a good time.

le fu?

Gonna be ok? :0

Haha, so leagues was only ok. We got 2nd, lost to MC, booooooooooooo. But there were some good races. Hope I got good enough time to go to championships next week! :). I hope, haha.

So on Friday we watched My Mighty Princess in WHAP. And omg. ADORKABLE movie. It's also extremely hilarious. I wish to purchase it. Even if the ending was the biggest cop out EVER. DAMMIT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENSSSS. I'll just pretend they all get married in the end. Yeah. 8D.

No seriously, the movie was like, LOL FUNNEH STUFF IS HAPPENING YAY. And then it went in a complete u turn and went SERIOUS. But still adorably ridiculous. I loved it and you should watch it. Even though it's a Korean movie. So it's probably hard to find. Also, watch My Sassy Girl. It's by the same director and writer and it's LOADS of fun, as well as heartbreak, as well as just a very awesome movie. :3

WHAP ATTACK

So GREAT AWESOME DAY TODAY! :3. I love my WHAP class, haha. So yeah, today was the last AP test of the year. Our class got together early to eat breakfast. It was very awesome. And fillling. But I noticed the lack of nutella. D: Which made me sad. Than we drove over to the testing area to take the test. It actually wasn't that bad. But I took the APAH test yesterday and that one was INSANELY HARD FUUUUUU. Don't even want to TALK about that one. FFFTTT.

Anyways, afterwards I went to the beach with a bunch of WHAP kids. It was LOADS of fun. Even though I didn't boogie board much because the waves were really harsh today. And the rocks are really harsh. It totally banged up my knee. But anyways. We built the Stonehenge and the Taj Mahal out of sand and rocks. And we fed squirrels. And played down by the hanky banks. And planned for French Revolution in a high school situation. I'm going to be Charlotte Corday. I get to kill Marat. :D

... and if you get that you're really nerdy. No really.

And HAHA, we were trying to find some guys to take a picture of us. And they turned out to be Australian. After they left we spent like 20 minutes thinking of how we should of gotten to stay and stuff... And apparently I'm a Future Serial Accent dater in college, HAHA.

Just a few quotes from our awesome class.
"Nassif, the edge ruiner!"
"Emily, the dolphin saver!"
"Wait if you can't be elected, why are you even a political party? You're just an interest group!"
"Sorry I had to borrow your sandals to get some minarets."
"Can I have your phone number? I want to call you to thank you for taking our picture."

LURVEEEEEE my WHAP class. <3. Omg Leagues tomorrow. So excited. Gotta go work now! :)

Cerberus Spiros sheet

Oh Cerberus. I adore him as a character. I abuse him so much, but it's all good.

On the Mary Sue tests, he was about a 14, then a 20, then a 24 on the other! That's a borderline gary stu for that last one! Oh Cerberus. :P

SPIROS, CERBERUS
-19 in his universe. Therefore that makes him about 665 in ours. :D
- He's obviously from an alternate universe from ours, in one which is almost mirrored to ours save for well, they have superpowers in our universe. Oh, and they're entire planet is run by a monarchy. Along with a bunch of other things. So technically, the ethnicity thing is hard to determine, due to so much interbreeding.
- Their worlders are called "demons" in ours due to... issues in the past with them.
- In his universe, he's relatively normal in income. But in our world, he's filthy rich, due to 'connections'
- His parents passed away of 'natural causes' and is left with his brother, Ignatius, who is a year older that him, at around the age of 10.
- He's average in intelligence. He has his moments of clarity, but at times he becomes very confundled.
- Sarcastic and a smart ass. He is much less easily amused than Lenore. But can keep his mouth shut and be polite and kind when he wishes to be. He doesn't like to show it, but he is very understanding and kind. Just not openly, he's much more subtle about it.
- He is relatively unknown in his world, but has many friends the 'demon' world and is very much loved there.
- Very emotional, especially in battle. He lets them get to his head a little too much.
- His interests are much more like that of a normal teenager you'd expect. He doesn't care much for sports though.
- Battlewise, he has many of the powers other 'demons' receive when making the jump between universes: Creating portals to other parts of the world, Super strenght, Super Speed. He also has limited heat manpulation, light manipulation, and shape shifting abilities. And can turn into a huge dog when extremely angry and he loses control. He has excellent endurance and strenght for his race, his form is very clean, but his speed is not nearly up to par with most others.
-He can be extremely cocky about his abilities. He does enjoy compliments and some bragging (especially to Lenore)
- He's lived with his brother and a family friend, Leonidas since the death of his family. He's been visiting Lenore's world since he was about 5 with Leonidas though, so he's been through many periods of our world.
- He wears jeans, a t-shirt, a huge black jacket almost all the time. And a spiked collar. It's all part of his dog persona.
- He's athletically built. Not really much to say other than that. He's kept in training most his entire life so.
- Black hair, and red eyes. Everyone from his universe has unnatural colored eyes, and he can change them if he really wanted to, but he likes being different than the rest of people in this universe.
- Very loyal and very affectionate to those he cares for. Even though it may not seem like it. Although he can be quite open about his feelings, about his thoughts he keeps concealed most of the time.

Lenore Romilly sheet

Lenore Romilly is one of my favorite character's (along with Cerberus) because they're just such a fun pair. Their interactions are just fun. I'm still working out the kinks in her character as well as Cerberus, so I'm trying to do character sheets and such. So here's the one for Lenore Romilly.

I took some Mary Sue tests on this. First one I got a 10, which means I may need to add more to her, and 24 for the other, which is about the same on the scale. Took anthor and she got a 12. Apparently an Antisue... haha. XD

ROMILLY, LENORE.
- 16, and a junior in high school in California.
- Ethnicity is French, Chinese, and Italian.
- Lives in a relevantly affluent neighborhood
- Her parents are rarely home due to frequent business trips which began when she was about 15. This has lead her to become very independent. She can clean and cook quite well after having to do so for about 2 years.
- She is relatively intelligent in school, excelling in English and History, Only reasonable at math due to her reasoning ability. However, she is quite bad at science comparatively, and abhors it.
- Easily amused, for the better or worse. Tad immature in this sense.
- She has a very quick tongue and very blunt in her manner of speech, which alienates her from most of her peers.
- She does have quite a few friends in the "smarter" students at school
- Annoyed very easily.
- Logical and level headed, especially under pressure.
- Esoteric interests - Novels, TV series, Manga... you name it, she's most likely part of the fandom
- Battlewise, she is quick but not very strong. Her reflexes are superb as well as her force field powers (after training heavily), but her endurance is her weakest point. Although force fields are traditionally a defense power, her creativity in it's use makes her balanced on the offensive as well.
- On her powers... well she doesn't really have an opinion on them. They come in handy, but she also gets alot of crap for them. So she's just kind of dealt with it. It's more of an annoyance.
- Her childhood is relatively normal, for an upper middle class family.
- Death is a big soft spot for her. She's had relatives pass away, and has never really 'gotten over it'. It's probably the bigges thing that effects her emotionally.
- She's more of a Tshirt and Jeans person. That's her entire wardrobe. She also has black glasses either on top of her head, or wearing them. Also wears a necklace with 42 engraved in it. (2 reasons. 1 is a reference to Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy, 2 is that's her and Cerberus's team number.)
- She's thin. She has almost no chest, wide shoulders, long legs, and is pretty average otherwise. She becomes more toned throughout the series as she trains more with Cerberus, but she's still not very strong.
- She has a tattoo on her left arm which is a seal of the contract between her and Cerberus, which winds up her arm as more time passes, starting off as a bracelet looking tattoo.
- Average light brown hair and Dark brown eyes.
- She doesn't really like bragging, but she does acknowledge her skill. When complimented on battle or smarts, she'll credit it to her hard work, or it's just how she is.
- She doesn't really strive to look pretty or anything. When complimented on her looks, she'll usually just say "ok." and have an awkward silence ensue. She won't refute it, but she doesn't care for it in particular.
- She is not sympathetic, or overtly kind. She is honest about her feelings, and deals with people the way she feels like they should be treated. She can be a tad selfish, lazy, and eccentric, but hey, she doesn't care what you think.

Cerberus will come later. :0

Persuasion love :3

So I just watched an extremely, EXTREMELY good Austen novel film. 1995 BBC version of Persuasion. It. Was. GLORIOUS. I really have no idea where to begin. It's a really slow, but beautiful movie. The love between Anne and Wentworth... is just beautiful. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I love Austen at times. I love the characters she can create and their love. I've watched the 2007 version of Persuasion, but it's nowhere NEAR as good. And the ending scenes? Heartwarmingly beautiful. When they almost kiss as the circus goes by... and then walking down the lane by themselves... it was just... :3. And whenever he'd start that line "I never..." It was just... I love Persuasion

"You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago. Dare not say that a man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant."
^Wentworth's ending letter. I loved it. Blah, I'm just all warm hearted and stuff from the movie. I love Anne. She is uncommonly thoughtful and kind, as well as level headed, who tries to hide her emotions so as they don't trouble anyone... She is one of Austen's finest characters. :)

Now excuse me while I fangirl more over Austen. :D

Change into digital champions!

Watched Avatar with my swim team yesterday. It was GLORIOUS. No, not the movie. Just the experience watching it with my swim team, haha. It was a very pretty movie (especially on Jaromy's HUGE ASS TV, LOL), but not really good. Alot of plot holes, and a little annoying at times. :D. But haha, it was loads of funnn. Especially seeing the "Forever Strong" chant our team captain wants us to do for leagues.

Omg. Jason Momoa is going to be Conan in the 2011 Remake. DON'T DO IT RONON. DON'T DO IT. IT'S A TRAPPPPPPPPP ;___;. Fuuu. Also, the guy who plays Beckett (WHO I LOVE. HANDS DOWN) was apparently in Star Trek (the 2009). Wtf JJ Abrams. Don't blow off such an awesome actor and not have him have a big role. FUUUUUUUUUUUU.

So I was obsessing over digimon (thanks to JesusOtaku) and I started thinking up characters of my own for Digimon. But I always felt there needed to be more diversity, but not so much as they can't understand each other due to language barriers and it doesn't make any sense, as they have like no access to computers or something. So I got some things down. :D. Btw I tried to make all the digimon not from any of the series / not prominent enough to matter so different digimon could shine. Since I love them all. 8D

- Hannah Sheppard (F), American, Dracomon. Main character (since I'm american, it's the easiest to write... OTL. Shut up I'm lazy. She's a tomboy, and also a complete bonehead. :D)
- Nikolai Toledo (M), Maltese, Labramon. (EXTREMELY SMART MALTESE GUY WIN. Sarcasm is funnn).
- Tahlia Harris (F), Australian, Lunamon. (All I know is she's going to be chasing after one of the guys, much to his dismay haha. And she's a girly girl, like mimi. Ok, maybe not that girly. But she gets the extremely girly pokemon).
- Lesedi (M), South African, Elecmon (Couldn't find a last name I liked. :<. He's the first one Hannah meets, so they are probably the best of friends in the group). - Wai-Ling Cheung (Shortened to Ling since he gets far too annoyed that everyone else messes up his name) (M), Hong Kong, Ryudamon (He's the wannabe gangster. Like my friends are. Thinks he's soooo cool with his spiked hair and dance moves and fashion. We all know he's not). - Gabriel LeBlanc (M), Brazil, Coronamon (Hot headed and cocky idiot. With the fire digimon. Awesome.)

So yeah. Sounds like a more whitewashed cast of Captain Planet? Well I'm still debating whether to change Tahlia. But it's hard to think of countries which speak English enough... :<

lulz whut.

Today was pretty cool. WHAP was the greatest. I loveeee the APUSH kids for bringing so much food. :3. It totally made my life, haha. Sitting around watching My Mighty Princess in class... Asian movies are killer. :). Especially that one. Sohwi is ADORABLE. I love her. And the guys are too. Well, not the biker one. The other creeper one, lol.

OMG IRON MAN 2 IS OUT THIS WEEKEND. SOOOO EXCITED, HAHA. <3. But seriously, I have APAH & WHAP to study for... which I'm not. OTL. No motivation... thinking of maybe going to see Avatar with a couple of peeps though, haha. Gotta check with the parental units before I do so though :0. And maybe watch the original Iron Man with the family this weekend in between studying time, haha.

I keep wanting to talk about my girl characters, but I never have the motivation to do so. Which is a shame because I really like them. Because 1) for my stories, (which are 3 so far), the main character is a girl. 2) In all of them, they are not romantically driven, like every other novel with girls as main characters. 3) I think I've made them to be strong capable females without being mary sue's. Which is awesome. But alas, I'm lazy. OTL.

Ya win some, ya lose some

Gaaaaaaaaaah, this cupcake looks CRIMINALLY DELICIOUS. FUUUUUU.

So my computer's being extremely slow right now. Weird. Haha. Well today was definetly not the greatest. I'm really annoyed at some people. And I mean really annoyed. I'm annoyed that they never seem to get things done until it's imperative, and that they have seemingly no respect for anyone. And annoyed about some religions and how they think preaching their "awesomeness" is awesome. Cause it's not. If you are not among that religion, you get annoyed because, as you are free to do that, I don't want to hear it. No really. Shut the hell up. I don't force my religious beliefs down your throat, stop trying to "save my soul" and some shit like that.

And also I couldn't fucking park today. That was annoying. I had to try like 10 times. :\. But it's all good. We got out of practice earlyyyy (Since AJ totally read the set wrong, HAHAHAHA. Awesome). And then went home and watched Bones. KILLER episode today. Although the Hodgins and Angela thing was kinda random, not gunna lie, I loved it. The ending, where the sheriff throws up the confetti and everything? Gahh, so cute. And Cam's line, haha: "Sorry guys, it's like arguing with a founding father!" XD. Srs cop ftw.

So yeah. Gonna go watch some Spoony Experiment. Then study for APAH. Kinda. Maybe. Ok not really. Ffft.

weird dreams!

Hahaha, sorry. There's this one really good Kagome & Sesshomaru doujin on dA. I don't really care for inuyasha, but it's adorable. And I really liked this icon so. :).

So I had the WEIRDEST dream last night. I don't remember the first part other than my cousin, bro and dad were in it. And we were in a disney store. And my cousin was scared to go in for some reason. Then somehow I get transported to this... almost video game level where I'm in a dream world and I have to shoot the "fakes" in this huge crowds of people which this android girl points out which ones they are. While on top of a moving train. And somehow I manage to do it. Then I started noticing that whenever I'd shoot someone, everyone would stop, (and alot of them looked like sailor moon characters. There was like 4 chibi usa's in one, haha), and they'd turn into different people. Then I find some guy who looks like Tuxedo mask. Which it turns out I'm supposed to find him, as he is the only real person. Later, we cut back to me pacing back and forth singing and dancing to "one week" by barenaked ladies (LOL). And Tuxedo mask is looking at an autopsy report the people in my team made for someone... He agreed that the team was all good except for me. He was still unsure about me being on the team.

Then the dream ends.

... As I said. WEIRDDDDDD, lol.

WOO HOO!!!!

OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. WE BEAT MC. THE FIRST TIME IN THE HISTORY OF WV GIRLS. WE BEAT MC. WE BEAT OUR RIVALS. OMG OMG OMG. GREATEST DUEL MEET I'VE EVER BEEN IN. :)

I can't even put into words how excited I am. We've got a 3 way tie going on for leagues right now. And no way in hell are we NOT going home with that first place trophy this year. No waaaaaaaay. :). Man man I dunno. I'm totally pumped for life. I could so fail my WHAP and APAH test at the moment and I wouldn't give a fucking shit. So. Damn. Excited.

Man life is just... I can't put into words. Pretty damn good. I was going to talk about my story characters and such in my next blog post but welll... I think this is much better. Best school of my life. By FARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. :)

:/

You know, I was having a fucking fantastic day. And well you can't allow that can't you. You know what fine. Fine. I'll express what I'm feeling all the fucking time. I'm sorry I think about other people and don't want to let people know what's bothering me because, hell, maybe I know they have bigger problems than I do! Or maybe I'll just completely give up on being strong! I'll be some weak little girl who cries herself to sleep every night over every single damn mistake she's made and everything that eats her up inside.

Yes, I feel FUCKING GUILTY. I'm sorry I don't let it show like you want it to. I'm sorry I don't want to do anything wrong so I ask you alot of questions just in case I don't. And I'm sorry you have such a useless daughter. You know, you don't need to tell me that I'm fucking useless. I know I'm fucking useless. It just hurts a whole fuck load more when your own fucking mother calls you useless. I don't need to be told I'm useless. I already know that for a fucking fact. Ok?

I'm sorry I make fucking mistakes, I'm sorry I'm human, I'm sorry I'm still LEARNING. Seriously just fuck off. I want to get out of this house because of what you've done to my self esteem, what you've done to me mentally. I love you, but you've made me such a fucking nutcase.

I'm just gone beyond fucking repair.

fallin fallin :O

Bahhhh, Bones was incredibly awkward today. It was hard to watch, lol.

So I'm just going to post some quotes cause I'm really tired for some reason... -le sigh-


“Maybe it doesn't really matter if you wear your heart on your sleeve or if you lock it up in a box away from the world. In the end, everyone gets hurt.”

“Please don’t forget that there are people out there who really matter and who really care.”

“When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.”

“"Pooh?" asked Piglet,
"You have a lot of friends, don't you?"
"Yes," said Pooh "But only one Piglet."”
(I’M SO SORRY. IT’S JUST… SO ADORABLE. :D)

“Teenage love is like a light bulb. It turns on and off.
Sometimes it just decides not to work.
At the beginning of the relationship it’s bright, but at some point of time,
the light bulb is going to die. And you end up replacing it.”

“Love is a little bit like a roller coaster,
it has its ups and downs, highs and lows, twists and turns,
but in the end, you'll end up smiling or crying.”

“Never tell people to remain the same,
because the truth is everyone changes.
Every little decision you make, changes you.
People change everyday.”

“It doesn't matter where you came from.
All that matters is where are you going.”

“You wanna know why goodbyes hurt? It's because
people usually say goodbye at times when you least expect it.”

“Experience is a hard teacher. It gives you the tests first.
& the lesson comes later.”

Words can't bring us down!

HAHAHA, I'm becoming such a gleek. :)

But I digress: First about the swim meet. Lost, FUUUUUUUUUUUUU. At least I dropped a second in the 500... It was really close meet too! But I love my team. We're so great, haha. WV Varsity foreverrrr <3.

SO. Glee episode. God, I just... I just loved it. I loved how much more they got into Kurt and Mercedes, and no excess of Rachel singing. Cause damn Mercedes and Kurt can SING their faces off! Especially Mercedes version of "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. I really also liked "A House is not a home". Really touching song choice. And the bonding moment between Quinn and Mercedes? It melted my heart. It was beautiful. I feel like Beautiful was almost written for Mercedes as a character. It just went so well with... with it. It was just a wonderful episode. Well. Other than Mr, Schue and April. That was weird. But it was ok, just definetly not as good as the high school stuff. :).

So yeah. I definetly don't have Mercedes "Beautiful" song on repeat. Cause Lord knows I'd never be caught DEAD listening to Christina Aguilera. :D

NOTHIN ON YOU. :P

Thank you for existing. Seriously, thank you for making me who I am now. Oh don't flatter yourself, it's not any real influence of you. You just helped me go a different direction then I was before. Hun, I'm a completely different person than the one then y'all first knew.

For one thing, I've become more foul mouthed. I've become a hell lot more closer to my family. And closer to alot more people. I know alot more people, and I actually talk to people. And I don't give a shit about the people I don't like. I'm pretty sure that girl still dislikes me very much, but is it bad that I don't give a shit if she does? I've become alot smarter, alot less emotional (although they're still there. I slip every once in awhile but who doesn't).

I think before I wasn't really sure. About anything. Now I'm sure of alot of things. Even the things I'm unsure of. If that makes sense. I guess it doesn't. I'm alot different, and I think alot better. Not sure if it was the same for you. I hope you didn't become something... well idiotic. That would be quite tragic.

Swim team is AWESOMEEE.

OMG, Iron Man's was the greatest. EVER. :). So I swam the 500 girls relay, 200 coed relay & 250 wild card for girls. Really fun day. We got 4th (STUPID EXHIBITION LANE. FUUUUUUUU), 5th, and 2nd respectively for those events. Wild Card was major fun. We were all like: "Ok, as long as Suranee gets the 100, we're fine", haha. Suranee said that Coach wanted her to swim the 100 back. Welp, she got the 100 back. FUUUU :X. Hahaha. Still got 2nd.

We got alot of first places. It was awesome. Especially our 250 coed wildcard. So we were talking about it earlier how our perfect wild card race would go: Christine swimming the 100 free, Jaromy with the 50 breast, Chi with the 50 back & Anton with the 50 fly. And guess what. DREAM RELAY HAPPENED. And we beat the record by 2 seconds! HELL YEAH. Plus we got to see Jake jump when he saw the time. He was SOOOOO excited, LOL.

So they were annoucing points and who won and all. AND WE GOT 1ST. WE WON IRON MANS. WE BEAT RB. HELL YEAH. WE GOT FREAKING FIRST. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Soooo freaking epic. It was frakking great man. 8D. I feel sorry for the 2nd place team. We were all screaming and exicted when they annouced 2nd because we knew we got first, haha. XD. So all in all great swim day. Although I'm sick now, haha. I can barely talk cause I screamed so much. Plus I woke up with a sore throat. Fuuu.

Oh yeah. I also have a date to prom. It's one of my friends, but he's pretty cool so it's all good. :D. It was hilarious how he asked me though. "Will you go to prom with me?? I don't have anyone else to go with... D8". FUUU haha.

Blah, I'm so tired. I'm probably going to retire relatively early today. :/

btw I LOVE WESTVIEW VARSITY SWIM TEAM. The picture of y'all, I'm most definetly hanging up in my dorm room when I go off to college <3>

OPEN YOUR HEART TO ME~

HAHA, I'm so loving glee at the moment. But first: it was sooo depressing. The clouds looked so promising that it was going to lightning. And it didn't. We even did the lightning dance Shuchi taught us. When it actually did lightning. FUUUUUUUU. D8

Anyways. The icon? Yeah. My favorite part of the episode. :). Made me LOL so hard. Listening to the Glee rendition of Open your Heart on repeat. I really really LOVE IT. I loved the scene too. It made me actually like Finn and Rachel as a couple. Personally, I really like Puck and Rachel. Cause I'm a weirdo like that. But it was adorableee. And yeah, Jon Groff freaks me out, I'm NOT going to lie.

And I loveee Kurt and Mercedes as characters. And in general. Same with Tina and Artie. SO FREAKING CUTE ARGAGAGAGAGAGAGA.

Off to read some trashy Puckleberry (This is the legit name for Puck and Rachel. I know I LOVE IT) fanfiction :)