Dreams are scary

I had a terrible dream last night... Cody... died... and it was all my fault...

It was really weird how he died too. Apparently, newbie divers, when they're going off the board, they grow... spikes. It's really hard to explain, like figurative spikes. If someone touches them within 3 minutes of the spikes activating, they will die.

Cody hugged me 2 minutes after it activated. He spent his last day teaching all of us to dive better. And then they took him away.

God, I've never had such a... I don't know. Disturbing dream that involved someone else. I mean, I know I once had a dream where I was being chased. Honestly, that didn't phase me. But this... it stuck with me the whole morning. :/

Gotta work. Maybe post later :<

To me?

What is love
to me?
If I ever loved a guy
it would because of this:
I just do.
I just want to spend time with him.
He'd be my best friend
Someone I could trust with anything I felt
The person who I could talk to
about anything;
Zombies.
Pancakes.
Music.
Everything.
Someone who I'd just feel
like belonged in my life.
It's really hard to explain
you know.
He'd just
be.
you know?

WOOOOOOTS?

So today was the RB meet. HOMG GUESS WHAT. The guys won!!!! Yay! -tap dances-

Eh, girls failed. But it's RB it's expected. But I still got a best time in the 500! YAYYYY. Even though that means Jake will probably make me swim it more often then. D;

So. Uh. I'm tired. I really don't want to take AP tests. Dx

Btw I love my swim team xD <3

Girls and boys are silly

(This is story. Not based on real events)

As the credits started to roll for Breakfast at Tiffany's, two friends watched them go by. One was a girl, one was a boy. Both had been friends and had lived next door to each other for as long as they could remember.

"So did you like the movie?" The boy asked casually. Flipping the TV off, the girl shrugged. "It was pretty good but..."

"But?"

"Well, just what Paul said is bothering me. At the very end. How Holly belongs to him since he loves her... you know, it really confuses me. People don't own other people. That's not what love is, right? I don't know, I've never experienced it before. But... that doesn't entitle one ownership of another person. Especially since Paul's feelings were... sort of unrequited?"

"We both know that kiss fest at the end suggests otherwise." the boy teased. "And in the process, they were squishing poor cat." The girl giggled, and continued.

"I know. But, it's just... I just think that love is a choice you know? Destiny has absolutely nothing do to with it. You know, I heard somewhere if that if we had soul mates, one would meet them every 2000 years. Or was it 20,000? Either way, that far longer than forever in human years."

"Really, I don't think Paul or Holly were right. Well, I guess they are right in their own ways... the definition of love is not universal; it's different for everyone. But their definitions seem... flawed, you know?"

"Well... if I can put my input in this..." he began.

"People are just people. We don't belong to anyone. Not even ourselves. We just live, and love sometimes comes with it. It doesn't have to be romantic love or anything. Just love, mostly platonic. But if you get the chance to find someone you want to spend that moment with, by all means, do. Just remember that it won't go on forever. We've both been enough relationships to know that is complete and utter bullshit."

"Right" the girl nodded. "I... used to think that I belonged to one person. But I grew up. And I figured... I think I belong to the world. I think everyone does. Not society, not humans, just the world. I know that makes no sense but... you know who I want to spend this moment with, right here right now? You. Does that mean I love you romantically? I guess, but really why is it so complicated. I just want to spend my time with you now."

"You're right. We'll think about tomorrow later." A giant grin stretched across the boy's face. "Because I want to spend right now with you too. How about we go out and get some ice cream. I'll drive."

IRON MAN'S WERE AWESOME

So today was Iron Man's. GOD IT WAS SO FRIGGEN AWESOME.

These were my events:

-200 Iron Maiden backstroke
With: Kelly
Place: 3rd
This is the race where you swim a 50, the 2nd person dives in and does a 50, and then you dive in again and swim another 50, and then the 2nd person dives in once more and does a 50. It was pretty awesome. Wheee, we get a medal on Monday for it. ~

-200 Coed 200 medley
With: Corey, Liza, Nick
Place:???
I swam the 50 back. I don't really remember what we got, but I think we did pretty well.

-250 Girls WILD CARD.
With: Christine, Sarah M., Jae
Place: 3rd
OH MY GOD THIS WAS SUCH A FRIGGEN AWESOME RACE. Okay, so this is the race, where you don't know what your swimming til you get on the block. 3 people swim a 50, one person swims a 100. And the stroke is determined by 4 cards; free, back, breast and fly. I ended up with the 50 fly, which was pretty good. But we had to do the 100 breast. Which made me sad, because I was sure we were not going to place at all, since the heat after us got 100 free.

... BUT THEN. GUESS WHAT.

NO ONE BEAT OUR TIME IN THE 2ND HEAT. IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING. WE GOT 3RD FOR IRON MANSSSSSS. YEAH BABEHHHHHH.

So then, the meet is done. We're all riled up, and we get the trophy for 3rd overall. YAYYYYY.

... BUT WAIT. SOMETHING IS AMISS.

The school that got 2nd got one point below us! So we go up to the officials and sure enough...

WE GOT 2ND PLACE. BOO YEAAHHHHH.

God, I am so hyper. And guess what. RB won. And we're racing them on Tuesday. OH MAN, IT'S ON. IT'S SO ON. WE GOTTA BEAT THEMMMMM >:D

Okay, gotta work. xD

wuehruewkr tired.

Ah. I'm really tired. I've got a swim meet tomorrow. Had one today. I did okay, I guess. Not too warm, so I didn't do so hot. Oh well.

Took my mock for Calc yesterday We hung out before hand; me, Fishie, Felicia and Mijo. It was alot of fun. xDDD

So yeah. Uh. I'll probably write more tomorrow, but I'm tired :<

Hogwarts = awesome.

-----> This icon made me LOL pretty hard. Adorable kitty is adorable. And wins the internet. :D.

So I was rereading Kodocha. Gosh, Sana is such a hyper little kid. She reminds me of Dobby Tsui with bits of me. Man, it's a pretty good series, and it still makes me crack up. Only problem I have with the series is that they're LIKE 11 TO 12 YEARS OLD. DAMMIT, IT PISSES ME OFF HOW THESE KIDS ARE MAKING OUT AND STUFF AND WEIHTIE. Dx

But it's still a cute series. With much lulz. ^^ Sana is so happy sometimes, you just can't help but feel happy and hyper too. xD

So I finished reading Breakfast at Tiffany's. And holy shit, was it GOOD. Why have I not paid more attention to Truman Capote?! I'm really excited to do my Junior Paper on Breakfast at Tiffany's now.... Tee hee hee <3

I'll probably end up watching the movie tonight and fangirling over Audrey Hepburn... (Who is the BEST ACTRESS OF ALL TIME, NO QUESTIONS ASKED for me. xD)

Pride and Prejudice
-Are your parents very nosy about your relationships? Oh yes. Very
-If you were forced to get married to one of your cousins, which one would it be? No thx.
-How many sisters do you have? Technically, 0. But I have 2 "sisters" :P

Running with Scissors
-Have you ever eaten dog food before? No.
-Do you consider your family to be dysfunctional? Comparatively, no
-If you were a homosexual, how would you come out of the closet? Hun, if I was homosexual, I would just flat out say it. Hell, everyone would just know.

Watership Down
-If you had a rabbit, what would you name it? Mr. Giggles or Rainbow. :D
-If your last dream was a prophetic vision, what is going to happen next? .... BEN P IS REALLY BATMAN THEN? AND I'LL TURN INVISIBLE? HOLY AWESOME.
-There is a river, about 30 feet across, how do you cross it? Swim? Fly. Duh.

Ender's Game
-If you had the opportunity to be a commanding officer in the army, would you go? No.
-If the government implanted a device in your head that sees everything you see, hears everything you hear, and feels everything you feel and relays all of this information, what would the device have relayed today? (1984 LULZ). Me studying. Eating. and watching Nostalgic Critic. And going on Twilightsucks.com forum. Yep....
-There is an enemy alien species, what is it called? Webb. :D

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime
-If you had to defend yourself with a garden tool, which one would it be? I call lawnmower!
-What is your favorite emotion? Happiness.
-What colors make you happy? Silver.

Sabriel
-If you could call anyone/anything back from the dead, who/what would it be? I would really prefer not to answer this question.
-Have you ever played the handbells? Does not compute?
-What names do you associate with stupidity? Ms. Webb. :D

Holes
-How large is/was the largest hole you ever dug? Iunno.
-If you were to sing someone to sleep, what would you sing them? The creepy ass lullaby from Pan's Labryinth <3
-What would you do with an onion? Add it into my chili.

The Joy Luck Club
-What activities/sports/instruments have your parents forced you into doing? Piano.
-Lets play chess, which color are you? White.
-What's the most outrageous lie you've told to get out of a bad situation? I dunno. xD

A Confederacy of Dunces
-What would you do with a mobile hot dog stand? Have a hotdog party? :D
-What kind of social situations cause you to get sick?Public speaking.
-Do you have a love-hate relationship with anyone? Yes. But it's more like objects, not people.

Funny in Farsi
-Have you considered writing a memoir? Yes. xD
-What is the most common way people mispronounce your name? First name is impossible. :P
-Do you know any nudists? No. :D

The World According to Garp
-Do you consider yourself a feminist? Sort of?
-What's the strangest place/predicament anyone has had to rescue you from? Uh. Sure.
-If you were to die in an epic way, what would it be? .... RIDING THE SUPERMAN ROLLER COASTER IN SIX FLAGS, HAVING IT DERAIL AND FLY OFF AND LAND AND WESTVIEW. HELL YES.

Harry Potter
-If you could apparate anywhere right now, where would it be? Luzern, probably.
-Would you consider marrying your best friend's sibling? My best friend is siblingless.
-If you had the opportunity to, would you go to boarding school? ONLY IF IT WAS HOGWARTS. ;D

"I'm straight if that's what your asking."

So last night I watched Slumdog Millionare. And woah, it was a freaking beautiful movie. The Cinematography and music was beautiful. And the story... well was plain depressing. But the ending was... oh my gosh, wow. Poetically depressing, yet beautiful. Dev Patel is ADORABLE GAH. And Frieda Pinto is BEAUTIFUL GAH.

Btw, the dance number at the end would make any Bollywood fan proud. Like me. Bollywood is awesome, k? K. xD

So we're starting to work on our Junior Paper. I wanted to do something on how film affected American culture, but then I found some Truman Capote; I checked out Breakfast at Tiffany's, his Short Story collection, and In Cold Blood. I'll probably end up using Breakfast at Tiffany's, but eh.

Film has always held a special place in my heart after doing my sophomore thesis. Because you pay more attention to things...

BTW Frank Sinatra > James Dean. Srsly, Sinatra was SO NICE TO LOOK AT back in the 40's. Like Gregory Peck. @o@;. But I think Sinatra is much better eye candy. XD. James Dean kind of reminds me of Robert Pattison, and although I relent, they are I suppose good looking in the standards set up... but Sinatra BLOWS THEM ALL AWAY BY A MILE. And he has that funny superman curl in his hair. Lawlz.

Sorry for the fangirling, I just have people magazine open, and Sinatra is on it. XD

On the day of silence:
Yechan: What is the Day of Silence about?
Me: It's against the prejudice that Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals and Transgenders have faced. :D
Yechan:.... So... does that mean your...
Me: ??
Yechan: I mean... are you celebrating this day to fight for your rights....?
Me:... I'm straight if that's what your asking.
Yechan: Oh, okay. -sounds relieved-
Me: ... well THAT was awkward. xD

Poor Yechan. So clueless xP

Mumbai is so depressing .___.

This avatar of Subaru from x/1999 is so. Freaking. ADORABLE. Subaru is awesome, yet tragic. :/ Poor guy. D:

So..... stuff. Really, I don't know what to talk about my last entry... Other than well...

I found out one of my guyfriends liked me 2 years ago. And I had no idea whatsoever.

It freaks me out because well... I had no idea. It just doesn't... compute in my mind. People liking me doesn't compute in my mind. It scares me, really.

I've read about love. I've seen love it countless of films, shows, I've even it seen play out in real life. But if anything even close happesn to me, my brain... just doesn't understand.

Sorry. I'd go in depth, but I'm watching Slumdog Millionare. Dev Patel is so adorableeee xD <3

Stuff has happened.

So I was reading X/1999 in the library. And gah, the art style was so obnoxious. Ughhhh.

But when it gets better, It drives you NUTS that they never finished the series. The characters are so delightfully twisted and gothic in an odd sci fi setting. I enjoy alot of the characters in the series. In my point of view, it's one of my favorite works of CLAMP and one of their most intersting.

They have such odd relationships in x/1999 though. Sorata and Arashi are SO FREAKIGN CUTE YOU WANT TO SCREAM. But Nekoi and the one Earth Dragon she loves? He's so... OLD. She's like 15. It's so freaky, It kind of weirds me out. Subara And Seishiro...oh dear where do I begin? Their relationship is so... TWISTED. It hurts you head if you think too hard about it.

Alot of the characters are terribly tragic. My favorite is Nataku though... His character is so freaking sad, but I adore him. If you get a chance, go read it. Even though if you do, BRING LOTS OF TISSUE. And there's MASSIVE amounts of gore, so be careful reading it. >__<;

It's weird when you look back and find out about things you never knew about. It sort of twists your good memories with confusion. This is why ignorance is bliss.

...

So I found out my grandpa died yesterday.

I.... didn't know him well. I only remember seeing him once. Last summer. He was so frail, so old. He owned a piece of land that was used as a junkyard. Not spoiled stuff, like... metal. It was so beautiful in it's own way... you see all these military stuff; ammo boxes, a giant orange overland train, military vehicles... All overgrown with these beautiful flowers.

He always had to stay in his shack. I remember picking him flowers and putting them by his bed everyday since he couldn't go outside and see them. And I even pressed a flower for him... so when winter came, he'd still remember the flowers.

Dad used to tell me how he and my great uncle Joe were train hoppers during the great depression, that he was a cook in WW2 and participated in the Battle of the Bulge... So many interesting things... I wonder if he still thought about them, even as old as he was.

I hope he wasn't in pain. I hope he thought of me at least once. I worried so much... he was going to be alone in his shack for the Alaskan winter... but he moved down to Idaho to live with Auntie Charlotte. I hope he got to see the flowers bloom before he...

I wish I had known him better. I wish I knew more about him, except for the few precious stories my dad told me, and the few days I spent with him in Alaska. I hope he wasn't lonely when he passed. No one should be alone when they're...

He was an army veteran. Dad said he was a cranky, mean person who was racist and sexist... but to me, he was still my grandpa. All of that didn't matter.

Dad says they won't have a ceremony for him. He just wants to be cremated, sealed in an ammo box, buried along the Alaskan highway. In a way, I think it suits him. I wonder what they will do with his junkyard. I hope they don't get rid of all the flowers.... and the raspberries....

.... I don't know why I couldn't tell anyone about this. I guess, I just didn't want to cry in front of them. I barely knew my grandpa, but... I still wish I got to see him one more time.

I just hope... he got to see the flowers bloom one more time....

Where does this go.

Two people; one boy and one girl, sat on the edge of the sidewalk, under a dim street lamp. Night had fallen hours ago, and silence consumed suburbia.

Until she spoke.

"I'm tired of this."

The boy stayed silent as she continued.

"What are we even doing, you know? I wish I was like those other girls and could figure out if your playing me or not. You're probably wondering; "Oh whatever could she mean?". Well it's plan and simple.

"See, I'm just a normal girl. I'm bound to have stupid little crushes that I can't even explain to myself. And you are... were... I don't even know... one of them. You know, there are those crushes that you have on movie stars or imaginary characters; like James Franco and Edgeworth to me. But when it's in real life, when you know the person, it's alot different."

"Because your my friend. But sometimes, I wished you were more. No, none of that romantic crap. I may be a normal girl, but I guess my vision of love is distorted. You know how disgusted I am at kissing. Heh, there's alot of things we know about each other now, huh? Remember when we first met?"

He chose to nod.

"How long has it been? Seems like a long time huh. Back to the romantic topic, I just want someone to listen to my incoherent ranting, someone I could trust with anything and they'd try their best not to judge me. Love me for me, as love them for them. Flaws and all. He'll be my best friend and the one to wipe away my tears when they fall. And I'll do the same for him. We'll be there for each other when no one else is."

"I guess I kind of hoped you'd be able to do that. I don't know. All I know is I liked you, flaws and all. You were one of the few I thought I could trust. Why, I wonder. You are probably the last person I should trust actually huh. You've done some horrible things to me... Things I never want to think about again. I hate being weak.... I hate being treated like I can't do anything... and sometimes you brought out that fear."

" Because when you were around I was weak. I let my emotions have far too much control over me. I don't want to do that again. But I know I will if I ever do fall in love. But the man I fall in love with will be worth it. I think I finally realized... you aren't worth it."

"I don't mean it as an insult. It's just... you have so much to learn. About life. So much that... I'm afraid I can't teach you. That someone else, or maybe you yourself will have to figure it out. Like I did. And until you learn it, you can never open your eyes and... truly appreciate and care for someone."

"So... this is goodbye to my silliness. I... think I should go back inside. Sorry if I offended you."

She stood up, ready to leave. And he did something she didn't expect; he finally spoke.

"I know... I know I've got alot to learn. I'm an idiot and nothing ever gets through my head. I've always been told so many girls liked me. I never understood why. I'm a jerk. Ha, you know how many times I've told you that. How everyone hates me, how... you get it."

"See, the weird thing about you is... everytime I'd tell you about this stupid shit, you... wouldn't sugarcoat it. You'd tell the whole goddamn truth. Whether I liked it or not. I always thought how mean you were to me... now that I think back, I guess you were 'mean' to everyone, huh."

"All I know is... that I trust you. And when your not around, I feel weird. I don't know what that means. I'm an idiot, as I've pointed out. Can... we just keep things the same? Just see where this goes. I promise I'll try not to be too stupid."

Silence once again engulfed suburbia.

She sighed, and held out her hand. "Need help?"

He took her hand, and the two looked at each other for a few brief moments once he stood.

They were still holding hands when they finally moved away from the street light. The night was at peace again.

THIS IS THE STORY OF A GURL? :O

brb, crying over Nostalgic critic's 11 saddest nostalgic moments. Number 2 & 3 get me everytime. This is why Spock should never die. Because he'll make everyone sob like a little girl when he passes ;____;

Okay. I think I'm done. XD

So last night I had a dream my friends and I were hanging out with Ben P. and Tony and they had to go catch a plane because Santee was in New York. And then I was in some city and I turned invisible, and only one guy could see me. He tries to help me revert to visibleness and then I find out he's really Batman. We team up and beat this one bad guy. As I become visible again, I find out Batman is really Ben P, and I didn't remember him because I was invisible or something like that.

... so Ben P = Batman now. o____o. But still, it was a cool dream. I got to be a superhero. xD

Probably cause I went to Risu's house and hung out with Jessica Lon, Nicole, Erika, Deanna, Isaac, Ben P, Tony, and... Risu's brother? They were finishing The Mist when I came, and then we started watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off. CHARLIE SHEEN IS IN THAT MOVIE HOLY CRAP. HE LOOKS LIKE ROB PATTISON IN TWILIGHT. xDDDDDD.

When I got home, I finished watching Twilight with my mom and (I kid you not) my brother. I came as Bella was spazzing in pain because she was going vamp and OH GOD THE BACKGROUND. EMMETT AND JASPER DANCING AROUND A FIRE. Such a 'serious' moment, and they made it awesome. xD.

And god, Edward is such a dick. Jacob was just trying to help Bella up and he zeros in and goes "BACK OFF BITCH SHE'S MINE." -rolls eyes-. And the dance scene. Yeah. All I can say really is THE GAZEBO WAS SO GODDAMN PRETTY. Dx

I still don't understand why my mom needed to rent it in blu ray o__0; I was trying to explain the twilight books to my brother and my mom got pissed because she couldn't hear the movie. XD. But my brother's face after my summary of New Moon was priceless. XD

"SHE JUMPS OFF A CLIFF TO HEAR THE VOICES IN HER HEAD!"
"... wait what? o__o"

okay I'm going to go watch some Yugioh Abridged. XD

TRUTH BE TOLD, I'M LYING~

I found alot of good music on my trip to San Fran. Pandora is an awesome program and introduced me to some cool music. That's why my playar is so... different :O. Not that anyone notices, lawlz.

So I'm back home. As much as I enjoyed San Francisco, I'm glad to have my own space again, to sleep in my own bed. And get all the magazines back and yay. xD

... back to the real world. D: NOESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

So... Yeah, I'm sort of kind of doing APUSH right now. xD. Lolol.

People on reality shows make me want to scream.

How do they exist? How can they be happy in their lives? Their either fake, or major bitches. Dear lord, is this what humanity has become? We become so petty; fighting over things that probably aren't worth it in the end. Keep your nasty comments to yourself unless they deserve it. It's disgusting when you watch those.... weird shows, you know? And you see these pretty girls with the worst attitudes ever.

... gotta go, I'll probably continue this rant later. XD

San Fran Part Pi

Welp, Spring Break is well under way. I'm up in San Francisco with my family, looking at colleges. I really do love San Francisco though. It sort of wraps Hong Kong up with Manhattan Beach.

The weird thing is, I really don't like the downtown of my home town. But I love San Francisco. They have a freaking CHOCOLATE store up here that has a dark chocolate fudge to DIE FOR. You just go it and you melt into a pile of goop when you taste it. Soooooo gooooood. x____x;

We're staying between North point and Fisherman's Wharf. Pier 39 is really awesome; the sea lions there are SO FRIGGEN ADORABLE, D'AWWWWW. Some of them stay year round, though during the winter there can be as much as 500! When we went there was about 150ish.

The Dim Sum here was also VERY good. Not as good as Vancuover or Hong Kong of course, but the China town here... Woooow. Feels like I'm almost back in Hong Kong. Except no place can replace HK. But still.

However good the food, the service is quite mediocre. And the prices are sky high. We went to Denny's this morning and the service was TERRIBLE and the food was SMALL and the prices were GIGANTIC! DENNY' MAN! EVEN DENNY'S!

We also bought Monk seasons 1-6 and Two and a Half men, seasons 1-2. THEY WERE SO CHEAP UP HERE. GEEZ, THESE BAY PEOPLE. EXPENSIVE FOOD, CHEAP TV STUFF o___0;;.

So the real reason I'm here; Colleges.

Visited UC Berkeley and Stanford yesterday. Honestly, I liked Berkeley better. I mean, Stanford's pretty I guess, but it's so distant from the town. Berkeley is almost interwoven into it. Stanford is sort of quiet, big and a bit lonely. Berkeley was smaller, but it was more connected, more real. It kind of felt like Westview, oddly enough. Alot of asians, alot of goofballs, alot of overachievers.

... Of course, Berkeley was much PRETTIER than Westivew, but well.. xD

So here's my new list of colleges I'm planning on applying to;

- UC Berkeley
-UC San Diego
- UC Davis
- U of Southern California ( USC)
- CSU Long Beach
- U of Washington.

If you've looked at my previous list, you see it's changed. I think I've realized... I was born and raised on the West Coast. This is where I belong, and where I plan to stay. At the moment, I'm trying to aim for Berkeley, but who knows.

Welp, I still have til Thrusday up here. I really like the bay area so far... x3 Hope everyone's enjoying there break!