standing still

Last night I dreamed he was there.
I went up to him and he hugged me.
And he told me missed me and loved me.

I don't remember the rest of the dream. I just remember he was there.
But then I woke up.
Now he's in my dreams too. Get out of my head.

I come here when I want to talk about things I don't want anyone else to read.

I miss him.
I really miss him

And that's why I should probably let him go.

my friend says she doesn't wants to be forever alone.

I want to be forever alone.

I'm so scared.

I don't want to feel. I wish I didn't feel anything.

Make this feeling go away. Please.

I don't want to be this weak.

That's it. Starting today.

I need to push him away. For everyone's sake.

If everything goes through.

This is the start of the worst goodbye ever.

I have to though.

hm.

I'm terrible at expressing how I feel. To anyone.

But there's this boy.

He is the dorkiest person I've ever met.
He can't sing to save his life.
He says stupid things all the time.
He teases me constantly.

And I constantly say terrible things to him, and smack him.

But for some reason, he likes me.

He says I'm smart. I'm funny. and I'm pretty.

I don't know how to believe him.
I don't know why.
I'm always so mean to him.

I always say how I hate him.
I wish I could say what I really feel.

Like how his eyes are such a pretty color.
And I think it's adorable when his hair is in disarray.
That I love the sound of his laugh.
That I don't understand why he's so nice to me
Or why he even puts up with me at all.
That I play Frank Turner over and over again because it reminds me of him
That I was upset to lose his ring because it made me feel better.
That I love the uglydoll because he bought it for me.

I guess I'm just scared that he doesn't really feel the same
That he'll just break my heart.
That he's just telling me sweet lies.
I'm scared of feeling what I feel.
I don't know what to do.