Life

"Look. I don't need to talk. I'm fucking tired of talking. I just need someone to listen. Ok?" He doesn't answer, as if cue for her to continue.

"I don't like showing sadness. It's for fucking wusses. Even when I'm alone I don't like to shit like that. I just don't like talking about how I feel or felt or whatever. But... god dammit, this is the fucking worse. You know how many relatives I've had die from Cancer? 4. Fucking 4. 3 aunts, one uncle as of today. And for me, that's not even the shittiest part. My Grandpa never talked to us because he got in a arguement with my dad when I was younger. I remember seeing him once. And by then, he was already on his last legs. I only saw him fucking once. And guess what else? My cousin fucking committed suicide and I found out 2 days before my birthday. And my grandma? She's been bed ridden for 2 years. It's so painful to watch. It's probably the most painful of all this shit combined.

"My family is so fucked up. I'm so fucked up. I fucking hate my birthday. I hate it. It just reminds me of my cousin. How I'm alive and he's not. And dammit, the only relationship I've ever been in I can't even think about because it hurts. It stings not because any really painful stuff. Not that tragic of character. Because...well dammit I can't even explain it. I just hate thinking about it. I hate thinking about personally being in love. Or liking someone past plantonics. It makes me sick, like I'm physically unclean.

"And I never can bring myself to tell people seriously about this shit. Because I don't wanna talk about it. I don't want people to know. I probably have so many reasons to be a doctor to fill a fucking novel. Fuck that shit. Just no one needs to know. Usually it doesn't bother me too much, but well. My uncle died today. You know he was only diagnosed this year? THIS FUCKING YEAR. Why didn't he go earlier? Why didn't he get some fucking help earlier. Then he'd still be fucking alive. I've only met him once, but guy fucking hunted giant ass bears. No way he'd lose to cancer.

"I just... I just wish I COULD talk about it when it does bother me. I wish I could sort myself out when I AM fucking pissed off about. Which is not alot anymore. I'm pretty damn happy, but when shit like this happens and I start to crumble a little... I dunno. Maybe I just don't want to be weak anymore. Don't want to depend on anyone. I wish I could talk again. But I guess strength has it's problems. Well whatever. I'm done."

He's not given a chance to answer. She's already walking away, bare feet and all.

HEY SOUL SISTER :)

So I definetly watched Princess and the Frog today. Oh my gosh, its one of the cutest movies I've seen EVER. Gahhh I love it. One of my favorite disney movies. I just ADORE the animation (first off). It really capture's 20s America with that southern flair. Second, I love the music. Also keeps that VERY southern New Orleans feel. Then the characters. I love the characters. I love their animation, I love their personalities and I love the voice acting that goes behind it. And Tiana and Naveen... Ok, well I'm not one who really like stupid stuff in which the main characters fall in love in like 1 day, I really like how this story deals with it. And believe me, I REALLY dislike stuff like that, but in the story constraints for this movie, it all works out VERY well. :). Not only is it pretty cute, it is ADORABLE. Insanely adorable. Like melting into nothing adorable.

Same with Roman Holiday. That movie is just... ARGH. Audrey Hepburn is SO cute in that movie. And her and Gregory Peck are also extremely adorable. It's a very good movie, and its very beautiful. And also hilarious. But the ending kills me. It leaves an empty void because you know They can't end up together, but they'll always have the amazing memories. BUT THEY DON'T END UP TOGETHER. IT'S BEAUTIFUL, BUT I'M STILL SADDENED. D8

I'm a romantic I suppose. :P. Not a very good one though, haha. Only when I see movies like that... Not real life haha. It's just not as cute. :X. And in songs it can be cute too. But only if it doesn't CRAM IT DOWN YOUR THROAT like The Maine. I sort of like The Maine, but DAMN they really oversexualize their music. And make it seem like their love is all based on looks. Which, HA GUESS WHAT. THAT'S SHALLOW HAHA.

>_>;

I also watched part of New Moon. Yeah, that shit. Taylor Lautner is ADORABLE, but other than that... not really that remarkable. Boring, and terrible acting. Eh, what can I say. But during the movie I saw much more SOMETHING between Bella and Jacob than ALL of Bella and Edward in Twilight. That's... depressingly bad. :

It's easy as 1,2,3,4~

& I think it's a good sign when you're lying in bed, it turns 11:11, And you have no idea what to wish for. :) . Seriously, it was awesome. Spent most of this weekened watching Mythbusters, haha. Awesome.
So yeah, since I have a birthday party to go to later todayyyy, I'm just gunna post my thing for this right now. Yeah, so here are some interesting quotes I find. :D

"throughout life people will make you mad,
disrespect you, treat you bad. let god deal with things they do,
cause hate in your heart will consume you too."

"You are not your past.
It’s just one piece of you, not everything.
Every moment in your life
builds you into who you’re supposed to be."

"the best you can do is the right thing,
the second best you can do is the wrong thing,
& the worst you can do is nothing."

"everything happens for a reason.
what's done is done.
you have to keep moving forward in life.
never look back."

"Don't hold me back. I'm going places. With or without you, I'm going to be something."

"Sometimes you just have to turn your back and walk away, whether you're walking out on your friends, or the love of your life. Sometimes letting go and moving on is the hardest thing to do, but the best thing in the end."

"You only have one life. Why would you want to live it like someone else's?"

"Death is the hardest part of life. Not for those who have passed but for those who are left behind. They are forced to grasp the concept of leaving this earth to another atmosphere that we call heaven, but they call home."

"Just because you were fine with him doesn't mean you can't be fine without him."

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have."

"Do you ever wish you could hear the sirens of the ambulance, wake up in the emergency room, and hear the doctor say, "she isn't going to make it," just so you could find out who really cares about you?"

"Everyone knows that seasons change; it's unavoidably obvious. But for some reason, everyone tries to avoid the fact that people do too."

"While you are finding strength in numbers, I'll be the girl sitting in a corner reading her book and listening to music you've probably never heard of. When you and your current love of your life are making out at a jam packed movie theatre with people just like yourself, I will be at my house watching a movie about a romantic love story that I will envy. In the back of my mind I will be content because I won't have to be another silly girl crying over some boy of last week. As you are in the crowd, I will be that weird girl on stage dressed up in an insane costume acting my ass off and not caring what you think of me."

"I guess that's what happens at the end: you start thinking about the beginning."

"Every second brings a fresh beginning. Every hour holds a new promise. Every night our dreams can bring hope, and every day is what you choose to make it."

"Move on. He's just a chapter in the past. Don't close the book, just turn the page."

"Success comes in cans, not cant's."

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"

"There's a fine line between love and a waste of time."

"It just goes to show you, the world's only as big as what you know."

"We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams."

Damnnnn, I had wayyy too much fun finding quotes. XD

I must be dreaming~

Soooo yesterday's meet was the bomb. :). Sure the boys tied and we lost by 8 points, but what made it SOOOO worth it was the souplantation afterwards. It was soooooooooooooo friggen fun. But it makes me sad since now Jimmy will be going back to UCLA (Via time rift in closet, lulz). I lurveee my team. Oh, and I got my bestest time ever in the 500! Yay!
... Too bad I got outtouched at the end. FUUUUUUUUUUUUU. D8
Ah still. Loads of fun. :).

You know what's sick shit? When people are like "The older you get, you don't LOSEEEE friends, you find out who your TRUEEEE friends are!!!11!". I'm gunna call total and complete fucking BULLSHIT, k? Because people drift apart and that's fucking life. It's not that these people were never your true friends, you just grow up into a different person, and you grow apart from different people and grow closer to others.

NONE OF THIS FUCKING "TRUEFRIENDSSSSS" shit. Oh no. Seriously, shut your fucking face since you've obviously been coddled for your entire life and have never been thrown out of your usual element and into the world. When you dilerberately seperate yourself from the friends that you've had since god knows when. Cause fuckers, that's what college is a whole lot like. Unless your going to college with your kindergarden bff which your still bffs with. Because well. You guys just wanna be BFFS FOREVERS.

I have no problem with kids choosign to go to a college because they want to go there, and their friends just happen to go there. But when you diliberately choose a school cause another person's going there? I'm sorry, but you are weak and pathetic. Do you have any choice of your fucking own? Actually this applies to everyone who bases whole life altering decisions on this kind of shit. You're just conning yourself into this kind of shit.

I wish I could let my rants be more coherent, but well no. I'm just annoyed as hell at some types of people. Sure, I can understand some opinions, but sometimes you just... get mad. Because it's so total bullshit and everyone just seems to accept it and think its ttly right without thinking it through. Fuuuuuu

[/fuming]

Geek forever plz.

Swim meet was LOADS of fun. I did ok I guess (coulda done better in some parts, blah). But it was soooo awesome. And we got our neon green shirts (or should I say, LUMINOUS LIME, LOL). They're blindingly bright, yo. And haha, the ride home from the bus, there were these scary looking gloves hanging in the front of the bus. And when the lights turned off, all of them did except for the one illuminating the gloves. D8. And there were like no city lights, and the lights kind of flickered, and the music was really creepy. Me, Christine, Chi and Suranee were certain we were going to die. XD

It's kinda weird if you think about it. There's this one girl (who I absolutely abhor) who I found out was the same ethnicity as me. My brother kept saying how I could've turned out like her. To me, this is absolutely frightening. ._.;. I don't wanna think of some alternate universe where I turned out to be some shallow bitch who cakes herself in makeup everyday, who can't leave an emotionally abusive boyfriend (Yeah, its this girl). That is absolutely terrifying to me. :.

I'm so glad I'm who I am now. Not someone like... ergh.

SWIM MEET TOMORROW :D

POKEMON TEAM ASSEMBLED!
Dino Shark: Feraligatr
Captain: Pidgeot
Marian: (soon to be) Ninetails
Longrack: Girafarig
Edison: Jolteon
Zuul: Gengar.

OMG NEW CHAPTERS OF PANDORA HEARTS & KUROSHITSUJI. <333. Kuroshitsuji - TANAKA KICKS ASS AND I LOVE HIM. Pandora Hearts chapter was ADORABLE. I love all the characters in it. 8D

Atm, I am the type of girl:
- is absolutely fine with never wearing any dresses or skirts. My comfort zone is in t-shirts, jeans, shorts, and a jacket. Comfort above all.
-Who doesn't really mind what people think of how she looks. Really, I just care about what I like. Most of the time, your opinion is null.
- Who listens to terribly depressing music and can be completely unfazed. Even hyper. Sometimes this worries me.
- Who will dance around in her car and freak out everyone in it.
- who is absolutely proud to be a nerd. :P

DANCE MAGIC DANCE. :)

So I watched Labyrinth for the first time and I ADORE it. I love Hoggle. And Ludo. And Sir Didymus :). I want Goblin friends to call on whenever I need them. D8. But I guess that would require the Goblin king kidnapping my brother and then me being forced into his labyrinth all because he's in love with me or something like that... Actually Jareth's reasoning for this whole kidnapping incident is never really clear. : But I digress. Actually, there's a figurine of Jareth on Sarah's desk in her room. Um.... creepy much. I'd throw that shit away in a flash. XD

Very awesome movie. Also watched one of an Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Very good, I really liked the twist. And the beginning had be giggling. Oh pitch black sense of humor how I love you.

Painted the fence today. Then went to the mall and bought a Nintendo messenger bag and a Where the Wild things are jacket on clearance at Hot Topic. :) Frakking awesome.

RETURN TO LABRYINTH MANGA LOLOLOL.

pokemans plz

So I was definetly not going to wait til the last minute to do this and stop playing pokemon at around 4, but by the time I looked up from my game it was 4:20 OTL. So only 10 minutes. FUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

I can't help it man. Pokemon is so damn addicting. I just want to sit there and play it. Beat the 7th gym leader today, so now I'm in Goldenrod trying to defeat team rocket. :. Blaaaaaaaaaah, so addicted. Still haven't found any pokemon I desire. I need to find a firestone and a thunderstone. And get an Eevee from Bill. Later. >_>; After this whole fiasco with team rocket is over. :

... kyahahahaha tiem to swim now. SEE THIS ENTRY IS TTLY NOT ALL ABOUT POKEMON. 8D

USED TO BE LOVE DRUNK? 8D

THIS AVATAR IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE. :P.
I love how I don't want to post on this anymore since Pokemon SoulSilver came out OTL. Gah, I can't help it. I'm so addicted. I don't want to stop playing D8. I'm a girl in this game, and I have my precious Totodile <3. Tee hee I loved the Gold Silver pokemon. 8D. Mostly because of Crystal. Fucking awesome game. FIRST POKEMON GAME WHERE YOU COULD CHOOSE TO BE A GIRL. THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT.

Bah, I've been playing for about 15 some hours and I've not even beat the 5th gym leader. >_<;. I'm so slow and pokemonnnn. >_>;. But I digress. It's alot of fun. 8D. I missed it.

MY POKEMANS:
Dino Shark - Feraligatr
Captain - Pidgeotto (Soon to be Pidgeot)
Marian - Vulpix
Longrack - Girafarig

... and 2 HM Slaves. :D. Tee hee. I have no shame :).

I USED TO BE LOVE DRUNK

BUT NOW I'M HUNG OVER

LOVE YOU FOREVER

FOREVER IS OVER

WE USED TO KISS ALL NIGHT

NOW IT'S JUST A BAR FIGHT

SO DON'T CALL ME CRYING

SAY HELLO TO GOODBYE

CAUSE JUST ONE SIP

WOULD MAKE ME SICK

I USED TO BE LOVE DRUNK

BUT NOW I'M HUNG OVER

LOVE YOU FOREVER

BUT NOW IT'S OVER

.... I have a whole hand sequence to the chorus to this song. 8D.

PUPPIES, Y/N

I'm really loving how one of the colleges I applied to told me about housing before it informed me about accepting me. LOLWUT. Weirdo school.
Got rejected from one school. Haha, Whatever. I already know where I'm going. You rejecting me saves me time in rejecting you. THAT'S RIGHT PUNKS >8D.
The school I'm going to is apparently rejecting alot of overqualified people. I don't know if this makes me happy or not. ._.;. Because then I'll be with people more like me: not genius with at least some developed work ethic. HOORAY!

Brother has the SAT tomorrow. HAHA. Soooo glad I'm done with it. And oh god, Christmas with the Kranks is SUCH a terrible Christmas movie. I cringe everytime I see even a part of it. It's so mean spirited, stupid, and just... not funny. At all. D8. Painful fucking movie. God, why are all the women in that movie so submissive.... >_<;. Makes me want to punch a baby. Watching review on it in Bad Movie Beatdown.... yeah, Steven Seagal is pretty shitty too. And so is Equilibrium. Not the song. The movie with Christian Bale. The only cool things about that movie is fucking Gun Fu, Sean Bean and FUCKING PUPPIES HELL YEAH. Seriously, its so damn cute you want to melt into a puddle of adorableness. D8

... so yeah. XD

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeepy ~_~

STILL not done with Ace Attorney. This last case is so complicated @o@;;. I'm about just now getting to the end part of the case! Aiyaaaaah. Snap, I might develop a Lang way of talking if I keep messing up and having to start over cause of mistakes, hahaha. XD. Seriously, weirdest Chinese guy ever. xP. He wears a pimp coat and everything. Weirdo. But Lang is still awesome. HELL YEAH, GET SHOT IN THE LEG AND STILL COMES BACK IN LIKE LESS THAT 30 MINUTES. SUCH A MAN, THAT SHI FU. XP

Blahhh, morning practice was cancelled because the pool heater malfunctioned. So I woke up at 5:20 on a Wednesday morning for absolutely NOTHING. OTL. Bahhh. And I'm sad. My last year of high school and guess what. PI DAY IS ON THE WEEKEND. FUUUUUUUUU. D8

I should probably be working but I dun wanna. I wanna go back to bed, but school starts soon. Blah. :X

Teen!Edgeworth is frakkin awesome.

SO DIDN'T SPEND THE WHOLE DAY PLAYING ACE ATTORNEY : INVESTIGATIONS, GARHARHARHARHARHARHAR. 8D.

Srsly, awesome game. I love the phoenix wright games. But I think I've played a little too many, cause I start to see what's going to happen waaaaaaaaaay too early into the case. I'm never surprised over who they arrest for the murder. Save maybe the 2nd case. I was only mildly suspicious of her. I still personally like the Phoenix Wright series better, but it's awesome. I love the copious amounts of Edgeworth in this game. Makes it totally fucking worth anything. Anyone who can use Plethora in a sentence, automatically deserves all love of mine. :P. And d'wah Gumshoe. I adore Gumshoe. He's soooo cute and such a nice guy. I feel so bad for him. D8.

I need to complete my playings of these though. I need to play the first Phoenix Wright game and Apollo Justice. Although Apollo Justice I'm kind of hesitant to play mostly because of the main character. I mean... what the fuuuuuuuuuuuu. His character design is TERRIBLE. >_<;. It annoys me to no endddd. But I love Ema. And the rest of the character's look cool. I'd also like to play Proffessor Layton games. Waaaaaaaaaah, so little time to do all I want. D8

Hee hee, Good mood. I love Edgeworthhhhhhhhh~.

When a heart breaks, no it don't break even~

So yeah, I've been listening to the radio more nao. Had alot of awesome moments because of it. Like "Beautiful Day" by U2 playing as I was driving to morning practice at around 6. Pretty awesome feeling. Also, they played "Drops of Jupiter" by Train (FUCKING AWESOME SONG), which I practically screaming the lyrics too. But I didn't remember them all. Made me sort of sad.

Found really two good songs. Listening to Breakeven by The Script. Freaking awesome.

OH BTW, I GOT MY ACE ATTORNEY INVESTIGATIONS. Yeah, Edgeworth is probably my favorite fictional guy. Although definetly not as fun to play as Phoenix. Since he can keep his cool. Gah, only he can make frills and maroon suits look INCREDIBLY MANLY. 8D. But I dislike Kay. She's annoying. I miss Maya. D8.

Oh yeah, and I love Gumshoe too. He's so adorkable. 8D.

I feel extremely awkward sometimes listening to my music. Because I listen to FREAKING EMO LOVE MUSIC ABOUT BREAKING HEARTS and I'm happy. Wtf. Like The Good left Undone. That song is awesome, but GOD is it EMO. 8D. Maybe that's why I love it, haha. GO EMO GO. CRY HARDER.

Oh yeah, new Naruto chapter made me LOL so damn hard. NARUSASU FTW. YOU KNOW YOU WANT HIM SASUKE. ;D. YOU ALWAYS HAVE. HE LURVESSS YOOOOU, YA GOTTA LURVE HIM BAAAAAAACK.

Oh what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?~
^ Best lyric from breakeven man.

Damn, I realized how much more I curse now. Weird.

Rest in peace.

Gah, Alex's c-walking music is so damn addicting / catchy. Listening to Equilibrium by Jackie Boyz right now. BABY YOU ARE MY EQUILIBRIUM.

Yeah, Before I go srs, I'd like to say that Cowboy Bebop is so FUN and AWESOME. The series is really good, but what makes it one of the best I've ever seen is the MUSIC. It's extremely classy. Some of the greatest jazz I have EVER heard. Just amazing. I feel like I really missed out though as I'm just watching it now. )8. If I wouldv'e known about it back in my sophomore year, I would have MOST DEFINETLY done my Sophomore thesis on it. It would've been SOOOOO friggen fun. :)

So yeah. My community's kind of screwy right now because a senior in high school in one of my neighboring schools went missing. Her body was found yesterday, and they have a suspect in custody.

I'm just... at loss for words. It's sad. She would be getting her college letter this month. She should be worrying about her sports and what colleges she should be going to. It's sickening. And its why I don't want to believe there's a God. Because if he loves us so much, then why does he let things like this happen? I'm so pissed off. And you know what. I'm annoyed that we're so humane in killing people on death row. Did you know it cost more to kill a criminal that be put life in prison? Because the damn poison costs too much. Why don't we just hang them or shot em point blank in the head. Why do they DESERVE to be treated humanly after what they've done to get on death row. And it costs a whole lot less too don't it?

It sounds really heartless, but I have no patience for murders and rapists. Absolutely fucking none.