Don't wanna think about you.

Go to my playlist, find Already Over, and listen to it. It is one of the Zutara Songs. And it it is awesome. :D

Halloween was awesome. Got fatting candy with the Jessica's & Nicole, went to Anna's party and watched Shaun of the Dead. Funny but disturbing movie. e__e;.

Then on Saturday I went to the RB tourney with Ben and Risu. I was the wheel on top of the car. Or 3rd wheel. Whatever you want to call it. :D

I was sad when we got last. ;e;. Stupid RB tourney. D:. They are suckage. But I really really really loved their show. Westview's shows got exponetially better than the last time I saw it... the soulja boy dance was actually sort of adorableee. XD.

So afterwards, the bands are walking back to the buses and I'm talking to him. I give him a sort of hug and later he pats me on the head.

When I hear about her... she kind of sounds like me... sort of... perhaps just a better version. Like Lorn and Data from Star Trek: Next Generation. I'm the failure module.

I can't help it. I... I... I don't know. I don't know how to say it. I don't think I can say it. I don't WANT to say it, or even think it. But I do.

And it tears me apart how much I wish, but how much I know things like that don't happen. And how such stupid things can make me happy. Like a simple pat on the head.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Freaking Stupid.

If he was any other guy, this would be done. I wouldn't feel a thing, and I'd be off and running.

But I can't. Even though my feelings are such a burden, and I'm pretty sure y'all are annoyed at me for not getting over him already, and how he doesn't deserve me, yadda yadda.

That doesn't stop it. It's hard enough keeping these demons at bay, I don't know how to get these words out of my chest and write them down. I don't know what this is, I just want it to go away.

Lalalalalalala, Don't wanna hear this anymore.... don't want to think about you....

I'm not crying over it. Just in agony over it. And also thanking the lord he can't read this.

He's the only person I don't want knowning how... weak I am.

How so very, very, weak.