ohwell.

Sorry for the terribly emo post coming ahead. I've had a terrible, terrible day. I really wouldn't like to discuss why it was so terrible... that just brings up more bad memories. Just know it was terrible.

I don't know where to even begin with how I've been feeling lately. It hasn't really been capitalized in my mind until now, when I haven't had any pleasant thoughts to keep me distracted from the turmoil in my mind.

I'm just... so lost and confused. I don't know what to do. It's like... well... like... I don't know! Maybe that is what's pissing me off. You know... I hate it when people I know are pissed at each other. I kinda... feel like everyone should be mad at me or something I guess. I keep alot of secrets you know? You don't keep secrets from friends right? Even if you don't want to hurt them...

Maybe I don't really have any friends and I'm delusional. Either way, I feel extremely guilty and extremely useless and extremely hopeless. Oh, and extremely worthless.

I feel like I'm deceiving people. I feel like I'm deceiving myself. I feel like sobbing my eyes out or screaming at the top of my lungs or... I don't know SOMETHING. That actually demonstrates some sort of emotion.

I wish I could convince myself I wasn't all bad. But I've never done anything that seems good to me. That would actually make some sort of positive impact on the world. I wish I could convince myself that my friends and family actually truly care about me, and don't see me as a burden. It's always in the back of my mind I think... Usually I wouldn't be THIS hard on myself, but well. Bad days do bad things to my mind and my heart.

I wish I could go into more detail about what's really bothering me, but... If I knew what was going on I would. I really would. But you know, my mind is telling me one thing and the rest of the world is telling me another. I...

I just wish I knew what what was going on.