Alright.

I've got a lot to learn. Like to not feel so sad when a fictional character dies.

For some reason, stuff like that, always gets to me. I don't care if their death had some 'meaning'or whatever the fuck they call it. Do you know what death is? It's when someone's gone. Forever. All your left with is the broken memories, which you have to piece back together as the world spins on, whether you like it or not.

I wonder how many people I know went to funerals where they actually cried at. Or collapsed with grief when they found someone they cared about was no longer in this world. And then had to keep the world from knowing, because you know they have their own problems. Your left to mourn by yourself, in the darkness of the night, when no one can hear or see you.

It's hard. Do you know how many people close to me have passed on? 4. I've only been to 2 of their funerals. I hate funerals. You look in the casket and you don't see your loved one. They look like wax dolls, not even real. Not at all how you remember them. Sometimes, the people you barely know, you cry the hardest over. They're fleeting memories - and your left to wonder if you could have said anything to them that could make them stay, that could make them happy at least one last time.

What I also hate is when people say their sorry for your loss. Perhaps they are. But even then, the words seem so empty. And how when you go to their house, and you still expect them to yell at you for going into their room, or to greet you when you get there. But then you remember that they won't anymore. And everytime you go there, it's the same. You just comprehend that they're really gone.

And yet life goes on. Everyday, you continue on with your life, trying to live it the best you can. But sometimes, it comes back to you... that fleeting feeling of melancholy as you remember the past and ones who are gone.

I think the only one's who ever really see me cry now are my stuffed animals. I used to cry all the time in grade school. I learned that much at least.

When will I ever learn.