>>

Life's being a stupid head right now.

I'm getting insecure on what I want to be & who I am. I'm trying to lose myself in this music & books, but I'm afraid. Am I going to go back to that weak, pathetic thing I was after Ben? How I am at home?

It's like everyone's pushing on me to grow up - to be mature to take my "place" in the world. But I want to stay what I am - myself. Do I give up myself to be human or give up my humanity to be me?

All my friends are maturing, I feel like I'm going backwards. Take Sora for example. My god how she's changed! (I'll call her Sora now cause I don't want to give out her real name. Even though she doesn't like being called this anymore...) I remember we were all going to be single forever... and...

So many things, people have changed. Yet I feel the same. Maybe I have changed. But not... like... I still hide from the kiss scenes, watch those kiddie movies, do all the things I used to. I act the same way before I met Ben.

... I feel so small... Everyone's going away to be some big mature... something. While I'm going to stay here. Alone. But I'll guess I'll be happy. At least I'll be me.