This icebox where my heart used to be

This weekend was pretty terrible. Well not all terrible. I helped my brother 's eagle project, which was actually kinda fun, study, do alot of research for college stuff.

I found out alot of things too. Externally with my family, and internally. These past two months of high school have been surreal. I've become more rational, if that makes sense. My inner vulcan has been taking over more often, lol. xP.

I have quite a few irrational fears. Or one would consider irrational.

... I had to do it once I realized I couldn't trust him with what was on my mind anymore. I fear my own demons will eat me alive someday. I don't think anyone should be cursed with such a fickle burden as I. Even if I wish someone was. I seem perpetually lonely, even when surrounded. Or maybe especially when surrounded.

Because I'm afraid of not being able to love romantically. I am afraid I am beyond even my own salvation, or anyone else's. It sound so illogical, but it is the facts. I've disillusioned one too many times. Perhaps such feelings do not work magic on me anymore. What a shame.